Making The Decision is not easy!

Mark Twain once said that ‘ You are never wrong to do the right thing’. We all always know what is the right thing to do but we almost never do it until a force of situations makes us do otherwise. We are all stuck in a rut even after we see a way out.

I once read somewhere that in a psychological practical test, few dogs were kept in a cage and they were given shock from a panel underneath and the ceiling was open but was high so dogs could not jump out I guess. The shock would make the dogs jump in air and they would try to escape but because of the height of that cage they could not so they would drop back down and get another shock. After a while, the doctors opened one part of the cage and noticed that the dogs still jumped in the same way when they were given shock. They just did not move out from the open exit. Its like they had some sort of fear of unknown as they could not do anything at the initial phases to save themselves so now they somehow know that they can’t save themselves and its sad to see that they have adjusted to the circumstances even when there is a way out.

How different are we from these poor dogs? I don’t think we are any different from them. If once we get hurt or see someone getting hurt then we make that as a pattern in our brain.

We almost always know inside what needs to be done but how often do we do it? I am not talking about small confrontational things which you do after a long thought, for example, you know you have to have a talk with someone so you make sure you do it after overthinking it for sometime but what about those bigger decisions which you often think about but seldom take action on?

I always knew in my past relationships that I needed to move on but I kept on with it until it became offensively disturbing to stay. We all do it. Right? I stayed at my last job even when I had a real way out of joining a business partnership, something I wanted to do for so long but the fear of unknown stopped or should I say jammed my feet.

Why are we like this? I wish we were more honest with ourselves than with others. I wish I could take more risks. I wish we all could. How else would I ever overcome the fear of unknown. For now, I consider this as a much required intervention which I would do in a near future. When will you do it?

When will you stand in front of the mirror and say out loud if your job is working for you or not. What do you need to do to change it? What steps you will have to take from today to find something your heart desires in future? When will you have that conversation with your beloved and say honestly what you feel? When will you stop cheating with yourself?

I am not blaming you. I know its very tough and if it wasn’t then we all must have been living life in different ways with its new and scary challenges. As a basic nature of human, we are a community, hunters and we are trained from medieval era to be with everyone and the way to be with everyone is to stay in harmony. How do you stay in harmony? By not hurting anyone. So what do you do instead? Hurt yourself.

We are wired to be fearful of the unknown but if push comes to shove, we can take that bloody spear and hit bulls eye.

 

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Something Strange happened

Okay so I am writing after what feels like a decade and the sole purpose of writing this piece is that I need to vomit my thought somewhere.

I don’t know if you know that I have been ‘very desperately’ looking for some answers. You can say some sort of existential crisis. You know like the reason I am here and the reason behind all this. Why should I stay sort of thing. BUT anyways.

You know how we know that at such a moment, what would any self respectful person do? Google. But in me case, I searched some free Tarot reading about my future prediction. I know its fake and the reason I some times read that is because it makes me feel good.  But while reading it, I remembered what happened today. At that time I did not think much about it but at this very moment when all seems dark and gloomy, that incident is being watched in new sense.

What happened? I tried quitting home life for a while and went to a nearest coffee shop and forgot to carry enough money. I just had money for the auto both ways but who cares. The moment I got dropped off at the coffee shop, this Sikh guy came with a list of names and asked me to put my name in there and donate whatever money I can for the benefit of some children. I felt really bad so I showed him my wallet and said, see I have not money so I can’t contribute.

He wished me good day and I started walking away. Just after 10 steps another guy approached with same sort of list and I said to him in hurry that I had already spoken to that guy who is standing over there. To this, the new guy started a small talk sort of thing and I hurried as by this time I smelled scam. He shouted at me and said, I” wish you good luck. I am a face reader. I know your next month is going to be very lucky. You take care.” By this time, I was basically sprinting towards the coffee shop but when he said something so absurd, I didn’t know what to reply in return so I just said thanks and walked away.

I forgot about that completely. But just before I could loose it right now, I remembered him. Maybe he was a fluke but it feels like a message of some sorts. Like there is hope. Like something could change. Like I can finally stay strong in my position and like I can move out of this position into something brighter, colorful, joyous, loving phase.

So, Mr who ever you are. Thank You.

 

Amor Vida : Its been a year

It has been a year since I started this little journey of my “so called” daily blogs. A lot has happened over year 2017. Some incidents were so powerful that they changed my life completely for good and some mishaps were so bad that it altered my thinking completely. I wanted to just get over with 2017 as except for two very very good things, the year had been tough for me and for people I love and care for. So, I got detached to this blog as I was not able to find happiness in anything but in 2018 goals.

Hence, I dived in my journals  even before the year 2018 could begin. I made plan of how amazing I am going to make this year for me and my future which I am so thrilled about. I have plans to make more plans to get to a point where I do what I aim to do and what I am designed to do.

Has it happened with you that you feel like you can do more? It happens a lot with me. I feel I am at a place where I don’t belong. I feel I am destined to take bigger risks and do a lot more than I am doing it right now. Not get me wrong, I am not ungrateful at all. On the contrary I feel a bit of stoic thinking I am where I am supposed to be. I am moving at a pace I am supposed to move and that I am learning the lessons I am supposed to learn. But what do I do with all that stock of energy reservoir ? I feel so damn restless and so damn useless when I spend yet another day at doing mediocre work which anyone with some talent can do or maybe can do better than I can ever do. I feel angry and hurt when I once again come back home physically tired and mentally charged up. Its not strange at all for me to end up in tears of restlessness of figuring out that ONE thing at which I should pour all my energies. I don’t know how to say it, but I feel like a jack of all trades and I am yearning to find that ONE thing I am master at.

BUT, even tough I am restless, clueless and tired. What I am not is AIMLESS. I have a vision and I have faith. So I do not care at the amount of time it takes for me to get to my sweet spot, I just know I will get there.

Image result for free images my dream land

So my 2018 is all about me finding my way to Greenland.

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 346

After a very long time I saw a good movie: The Intern.
There is so much I can say about the movie but I am just going to urge my friends to watch it.

If you have a zeal to make something out of this life then this is for you. If you are in love then this is for you. If your innocence has not been taken away even after a life long struggle then this is for you. If you have been the one who got cheated upon then watch this. If you cheated on your partner then please watch this. If you have a friend whose life looks familiar to the post then watch it.

It’s a story well.said about someone who doesn’t want to give up on himself because of age and someone who doesn’t want to give up because it’s tough.

clip from the movie:

Watch it here

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 345

There is something about dreams. If you have them then you can never let them go and if you get a slightest of chance in life to materialize it then it becomes your only desire.

I am glad I never let you go, my dream.

Even when it was wise to let go and more on. I hung on to you.

Also when it seemed like I was making a fool of myself. I held you tighter.

When someone almost broke you piece by piece. I gathered you and kept you safe.

No one knew I still had you with me and I faked it very well in front of those people.

I am so glad I still have you. Do you sense it too that its time you come into my life.

Yes, M’dear Dream.

We are on!