Meera chapter 5

Chapter 5

Hiiiiiiiiii, Meera jumped 5 inches in surprise when she saw kiran standing at the front door. They both hugged each other tightly. “You are back b*tch, Meera abused”. “Yo B*atch I am here. How is the surprise?” and in reply Meera shouted euphorically, “wow Kiran you have no idea how happy I am.”
 “Nice, so mam can I come in and how is life at your office? You made any new friends?”, Kiran questioned.
“Oh ya, I made couple of friends but you know I take time in making friendship permanent as a Tattoo. Right now, I just feel I am kind of relaxed and I like meeting these people. Rest left to destiny.”
Meera snatched Kiran’s bags and started finding her gifts and said “so I should be making Arhar Daal and Rice for you, right?”Kiran”
“Yo doll” ,she kissed Meera.
After finishing lunch, while sipping cup of green tea, Kiran broke the news to Meera. “Meera, don’t get shocked. I am getting married”.
“What? You? Now? WOWWW but who is the guy and when did this happen? Ok wait a minute, is it Anurag? Your Flat mate in US. Isn’t it?”.
 “Wow darling you are smart, yes it is anu only and I am in Love Meera. In loooove.”, KIran made silly school girl sound.
Soon it was the time for stories and Kiran started narrating. At first I did not like him at all. He is a perfect IIT geek and you know how I have always hated these spekies (Guys who wore spectacles). But as we both started sharing the apartment provided by my internship company, I realized how sensitive and caring he was and don’t know when we both got attracted towards each other. We started dating and just like that one day on our Paris trip, he asked me for marriage and I just could not say no”.
Meera was listening to the perfect romantic story and was realizing how blessed Kiran is to have finally found someone like that. Kiran broke the second news to her that wedding will take place in 15 days as she only got that many leaves and then they both will be returning to The States for a year. This just broke Meera’s heart as now she was officially alone and she had no way to look forward in life. But she knew this is for the best as the worst had already past.
So, she pulled herself together and decided to give her best on her bestessst friends wedding. That evening they both went for their favorite golgappas and chat treats. This is how they both used to spend their happy and sad times together during their college days. It was all about love, love they shared with each other, and now this love only shall help them go forward in life. But at some time, you do need to stop a little and question yourself – what is that one thing which you love more than your own self? There has to be something which is above all. This is that same thing which acts as a medicinal relief at times of distress and this is also that thing with which you can spend hours together. It can be a hobby, a pet, a project or something like that.
This is what Meera decided to do. She decided to understand her self better. She knew that everything which she ever thought has changed and its time she also changes. She decided to get back that charm which she used to have once in her. She used to be the most popular face in her college days and so this is how she will spend her coming days. Good or Bad, they are her days. With this thought she turned to her side on bed and fell asleep only to wake up in the morning with a fresh attitude towards life.


Meera Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Are you serious? You really are single? Sujoy behaved like Meera did not belong to this clan and he certainly was not able to understand that why a pretty girl like Meera is single. Listen Sujoy, its my personal life and I would appreciate if you would let me keep it that way. She said and walked away to the pantry area to refill her bottle of water. Sujoy followed her and she did not realize that he was standing right behind her. As she turned she was startled, Shit what the hell are you doing here? Meera darling please, you have to make me understand that why are you single and then even if you are then why don’t you hang out more with people. I mean how on earth will you meet someone? Irritatingly Meera replied, dude its none of your business and walked away.
Sitting at her desk she was thinking why is it so hard for someone to just accept your status. Why are people so bothered to know about the painful parts of your life. Do they really want to sympathize with you or just mock you behind your back. Hey girl, lets go, Maria intervened and stopped the flow of thoughts Meera was in at that moment. They both had planned a movie date together. Somehow Maria was the comfort zone for her. In these 5 weeks, they both became quite good friends. Even Dheeraj was with them most of the time but he chose to remain mostly silent.
Don’t you just love Bradley Cooper dear. Ya of course he is damm hot, both giggled as they reached the theater to watch the latest Oscar winning movie of their favorite star. Sweetheart, don’t worry about Sujoy, he is just too much into others lives. Trust me, he is not that bad otherwise, Maria tried comforting her while buying big bucket of popcorns. Maria looked pretty with her tall and athletic figure. She did not look a lot like a usual Delhite girl who is fair as fair and lovely add girls and would chatter all the time about the hot looking guy she is dating and is planning to date and that was the reason she always stood out and may be that is why precisely Meera chose to be her friend rather then other hotties at work who looked hot but could only talk about nothing more than nonsense. So were the guys, Meera actually was surprised to see guys gossip more than girls unlike Dheeraj, who was very decent, smart looking , well mannered and a trust worthy friend.
Its almost 8 PM by the time movie was over and both the girls stood outside mall as Maria wanted to smoke before taking the metro. Just a few steps in front of them there were some guys standing and they started commenting on Maria. Oh what a chik! lets go out babe, and started passing more lewd comments about her smoking in public and her attitude which would mean as per them that she is a slut and sleeps with every men who approaches her.
Maria lets go from here. I don’t think we should be standing here. Meera, can you just keep quiet. I want to listen everything they are saying. It is best to just ignore and leave. Delhi is not safe city to take such risks. Shhhhh, can you just stay mum, Maria was upto something. Meera didn’t realize that all this while she was actually recording all this and was pinging to someone on whatsapp. Within almost 10 minutes, 2 cars came and around 7 girls out of which 3 were from their office got down and they came straight to Maria. Now all these 8 “chiks” walked towards those 4 loosers and stared at them. They gave them the most lustiest stare ever, starting at their pego, lips and chest. These guys were ashamed of there sexuality at that moment. It was evident in their eyes that they were scared of the unknown. They did not know what will happen next, but they feared whatever it will be, it will not be something which has happened earlier with them. One of the daring men screamed and said tu janti nai hai mere bande kitne khatarnaak hai. Abhi bulata hun. Chodunga nai main. (You don’t have any idea how strong my fellow men are. I will call them and will show you what can I do). All girls moved closer to these men without saying a word and the macho one’s started getting insecured and were intimidated and started moved back. Dheeraj came out of the car and grabbed collar of one of the men and while looking straight into his eye he said, saale ab kaha gaya tera dam (Abuse, where is your strength  now ?).

Dheeraj showed the entire clip to them which was recorded on their cell phones and told them now this will circulate everywhere and I will make sure that you guys will not be safe anywhere. To that these men started pleading and requested all women to forgive them. Maria spoke and asked these men to shell 1000 rupess per head and they did and ran.

Claps, hugs and laughter, that was the atmosphere in front of the mall. Hey guys what was all that and Dheeraj how did you know about all this, Meera questioned in surprised look. Arrey Meera we started this group in whatsapp last year after that shocking rape incident. We started with 5 members and now there are 28 members in our group “Lets fight back”. To that Dheeraj added, ya most of the people are from office and friends of friends. We have also registered our name under NGO listings and therefore we even get police protection if needed. Although we never needed it. So we basically are connected with each other and under such cases, we can just say word “HELP” and tell the exact location and some one or other will be there within 10-15 minutes. Its a pact. And just so you wondered why we collected money then babe, this will go under our management quota and we use this money to fill our petrol, buy safty gears for women in group, do some publicity events etc etc. So we make sure the money comes out from these filthy men only and he winked.

Wow, you guys are doing something amazing, Meera clapped for them. Hey girls let me drop you both till metro station and don’t worry Meera, they will not return. So go home and relax now and remember the time to ignore is over now. Now Lets Fight Back and he gave a high five in air.

Meera chapter 3

Its her first day at work and she is all exited while entering the multi storied building. Her office is at 9th floor and she has been directed by the security to take the lift which is towards her aftier crossing the fancy reception area and a Cafe Coffee Day outlet offering hangout place for employees.  Inside lift she is accompanied by 3 strangers, all of them looked very professional to her. They were in tailored suits and carried blackberries with them. She on the other hand, wore a dark blue jeans with buttoned down shirt and loafers. She paid attention in the morning while getting dressed afterall  she was going to work for a multimedia company where the atmosphere was completely relaxed and casual. There was no dress code and was famous for their chilled out working atmosphere.

“Hi, I am Meera, a new joinee.” to that security guard responded “Hello mam, please sign the register.” He handed over a new joinee badge to her and asked her to wear that around her neck and showed her the way to HR room.

Wow, this is the place for me, she though to herself the moment she entered the office. The walls were pained with cartoon characters in high definition colors, film stars from Hollywood and fancy color pattern. It did not take her time to realize that the major chunk of population was young and peppy.
“You must be Meera? “, HR head Suzzane asked her, “Oh yes! Sorry I did not realize I left the HR room behind. I was so caught up in the view”. “Yes we get that a lot from first timers. Well, please come, I will introduce you to your Boss”. Meera followed Suzzane in total awe of the place. They went to a tall and handsome Man, Kunal. “Hi, you must be Meera?”, Kunal asked, “Yes, nice to meet you.”
Kunal turned to his team and introduced Meera to the group of what seemed like 10 people. Hi guys, can I have a minute of your time which you are anyways wasting while browsing Facebook. With giggle, all turned towards Meera and introduced themselves to her one by one. Meera was amazed with the enthusiasm of these guys. Most of them were quit good looking and smart, she could only recollect the names of Ajay, Maria, Dheeraj and Sujoy. They seemed interested in Meera and offered her a seat next to them.
Meera had joined as a design intern and was handed over a power point presentations about the company and work by Kunal for the day. “Sweetheart, I just want you to chill out today. Go through these PPT’s and you will have an idea about you work. Well, if you must know, our previous design intern, Kavita quit her job as she and her husband are moving to the states. What a shame but good luck for you as you got a chance here. As you know we hardly hire. The reason, very simple, people hardly quit.” and kunal smirked and left.

After a while, Meera was relaxed in her new seating arrangement. She sat next to Dheeraj who was a sindhi lean and tall boy. He looked like a fresh college pass out. “Meera, please be relaxed. These PPT’s are pretty self explanatory and if you get stuck at any point then I am here to help. Ask any question at any time, without hesitation”, Dheeraj spoke and Meera replied “Thanks a lot Dheeraj” and she got immersed in the PPT. She was amused by this new atmosphere. People were cordial, friendly and lively. She was invited for lunch by Maria and they all shared the lunch while Maria and Sujoy were busy giving Meera tittle-tattle of office romances. They informed her about their boss Kunal and his flirtatious attitude and his smoking hot wife, and about Dheeraj and Charmee on whom he has crush since 2 years, about Maria and her cricketer boyfriend. All in all they accepted Meera in their group and may be this is what she needed.

later that day, while preparing dinner, maggi and mug of tea, Meera was kind of relaxed. She felt less agitated and less anxious about the future which is still dark in front of her. When she found the strength to steal a smile, she will someday find the laughter as well.

Meera Chapter 2

Days are passing by like eternity and she is now realizing, its time to get up and start moving ahead.Its not that she was sitting idle all this while, she was walking the path but not wholeheartedly. She was out there but still not there. There was a silent but grave pain buried inside her which she got used to now. All she wanted on the outside was to shake that feeling and stay happy and content forever but in reality she was used to this pain . She would embrace that as her own and go sleep each night.She would acknowledge that with every sunrise and start the day with that. Yes it was hers and she was scared to let it go. After all she lost her love and desires and passions and got this pain and what if she looses it also now? She was scared to start life again from scratch.

What are you thinking all the time? Asked Kiran to that Meera shook her head and said nothing at all. I am just enjoying my evening tea with you. After all from tomorrow I will have to drink this tea alone. Oh cmon Meera, don’t be so sad over this. You were the one who used to love being alone before and now you are sad? Kiran questioned and to that Meera replied, “I am ok dear. Its just that I am used to being around you now and might get lonely as you are going for more than a month”. “Yaar even I am feeling sad leaving my city for this long but this course is also important for me. After months of practice I cleared this exam for Yale university and its only for a maximum of 6 months Meera.Time will fly before we will know it.”, Kiran replied and to that Meera said “ya that’s ok darling and I am sure you will have a nice time there.”

Within days, Kiran left country and Meera was alone in a 2 bedroom apartment in Dwarka. She rented the flat with Kiran and basically she started this new life after her 2 years long live in relationship failed miserably. She moved to Delhi from Lucknow with the scars of physical abuse and mental torture. She had to leave her job in Lucknow after she was getting threats from her old lover. So one day she just came from the work and packed her bags and took flight ticket with whatever money she had. While standing at the airport, she decided where to go? Should it be Bangalore, where she used to live before or Jaipur, where her mom lived with their 2 dogs or Delhi, where her best friend lived. After calculating life at each place, she instantly brought ticket to Delhi and in hours she was comforted by her best friend Kiran. She was always welcomed in her house and here she was, all bruised and tortured and willing to start a fresh life.  She felt proud of herself as she was quiet happy to have found a new way but somehow, one actually feels the real pain after some time has passed by like an itch which get worked when it dries and the same happened with Meera. As days passed and the chances of her getting a good job faded and feeling of loneliness sank deeper and deeper that she started getting depressed and started moving inside a shell. She did not realize how much she was changed as a person and how quiet she remained these days. She hardly noticed her tears and only a fewer times she felt the desire to laugh and dance like before.

Its Sunday morning and Meera decided to spend the day at day care center where she went some times. She has always loved children and so when all seemed to fail, she realized she could at least  give some of her love to these children who have no family of their own. In reality this was the most selfish thing she had done in the recent past as she went to those children to feel happy for sometime instead of the other way round.

Hi didiiiii, all children spoke in chores and it was a beautiful depiction of the fact that Meera was loved dearly by these kids. “lets all go out today” and a full throttle noise from every one there. It was like this is whats kids were hoping to hear. she took them to Lodi gardens where she had planned the whole day of activities for them like Frisbee and cricket. It was then and there that while playing with these children she realized ‘Its Time’. “Its time to move on. Its time to embrace life. Its time to smile again. Its time to live again. Bad times will always be there and yes I want to be happy and I wanted a happy life with Chirag. I had the whole life planned ahead of me which was filled with love and children and a normal family life. Yes I wanted to be married to him and stay with him forever. But what the hell, so what if it did not work out. I am still me. Yes days are not as per my plan but still its not that bad. I can be resilient and I will be happy. So what if I am alone, I can and I will still happy”. With this thought, she rejoined the game with children and this time she felt relaxed as ever.

Meera chapter 1

The alarm has snoozed once again. I swipe the screen of my note and switch off the bloody alarm and turn to my left side covering my-now-turned-cold-self completely under the blanket. The whether is quiet cold today as it has just started raining in the month of November in Delhi.

“Meera, for God’s sake please get up now, its already 11 AM and you have an interview to attend”, my best friend Kiran’s voice came screaming.
“I don’t want to attend, I don’t want to work for any corporate anymore”, I said from under the blanket.

“Do as you like as its your life”. I heard the main door slam after exactly 5 minutes. I have no will to sleep anymore as I am almost in this world now from my deep slumbering beautiful place. I will not be able to stay put in dreams now and hence 10 minutes later I am standing in front of my bathroom mirror and while brushing my teeth I look at myself in the mirror, “Hmmm, again that same swollen big eyes”. So, last night I again slept immersed in my tears. But I dont pay much heed to this as it has now become a ritual these days.

The day has already turned warm as its almost afternoon when I am still drinking my morning tea. Kiran has left me a note on kitchen counter.This has always been our ritual to leave notes and say things we were scared to tell on face. The note stated Dear Meera, please pull yourself together. I heard you sobbing last night and I can’t see that again. Please my dear come back to us. Your friend Kiran. Oh God Kiran, you are asking me to stop crying by making me cry, I curse her.

What should I do today? I asked this to myself after I have spent almost 2 hours watching Cook it like Heston on TLC. Why the hell I am watching people living their dreams when my all dreams are shattered and burned. Here I was thinking of spending my day actively and now I am crying my eyes out. At time I feel Kiran should not leave me alone at home as I loose track of life. Just then to make my day even better, I receive a phone call from my mother. At first I feel not to pick up her call but then I felt that maybe she will get worried about me. So I made a very wrong decision and answered her phone without knowing that this call will change many things in my life instantly.

Hi mumma , how are you? and she replies Meera why are you still at home? You were supposed to go for interview today right? Mom says. I reply by saying, no mumma I am not up for a job right now, may be I need some time alone to figure out my next step in life. To which she replies in anger and starts blaming me for not making it big in my life and soon we are fighting over phone. She goes on and on and says things which no mother should tell her daughter at time like these when her most important relationship has sank in deep Indian ocean. I try to persuade her to keep quiet now but she has decided before calling to take it all out and she says it all on to my face.

I disconnect the call in anger and threw my  Note-mobile on sofa and I am crying like a soul cries after seeing its own body dead . Its such a foreign feeling where you feel numb and lost. Like your soul has drifted aside and you are all alone.  I am crying even harder and the feeling of loneliness has sank deep inside now. In a funny way, I am actually not alone now as the feeling of loneliness has decided not to leave me alone. I have become one with it now and it has won over me. I am now speaking its words. I am telling to myself that yes you deserve it Meera, You have always been unlucky in love from the beginning. You have always put your complete self in relationships but have always been dejected. Yes, that’s how things have been up till now and its high time you realize that this is your destiny.

Its high time, you make up your mind that no one ever can bring peace and love into your life. So deal with it now. Either you will again fall flat on your face or accept it today that now onward you gotta walk alone. Yes that’s what I will do now. I can not let myself get hurt again. Its better that I give my love to those who may need it instead of praying to receive love from someone else. Meera, its not for you. After all see Siddharth never called again. I know that you have met him only now but don’t you feel its a dead duck. After all he is only finding excuses to stay away from you, my mind is speaking louder then ever. Get up and do the right thing. Delete his number and just get over with this. Never again you will and you should let anyone come closer to you.

I did the exact same thing and included one more step , I even unfriended him from my Facebook account and repeated that no one loves me and no one will ever loved me. I am and I should be enough for myself.

To be continued…

Take your chance

I have been walking aimlessly for almost 2 hours now on one of the busiest streets of Secunderabad city where no body seems to have even a single minute to look at this girl who is walking desperately and who looks in pain. Why have people become so selfish these days, I think to myself. A small tear roll down my eye and I wipe it off instantly in order to hide my weeping face from people. But who is looking at me anyways, rather I should weep loudly and by doing so may be my pain will reduce a bit. But how did I come to this place in my life when only a few hours before I was sitting on my bed and was waiting for my husband to return from his office party.

I still remember that night when he went down on his knees and asked me to marry him. I saw love in his eyes and felt care in his words. I even asked him, Sushant, are you sure you want us to get married and to that he replied Meera, you are the one for me, you are the one who will always be there for me and I love you from bottom of my heart, please let us get married and grow old together. I instantly said yes as this is what I always wanted in my life. I wanted someone who would always love me and someone who wants to grow old with me.

Its only 2 years that I have shifted to his house with his family and I was loving everything. Even if hat included getting up the very first day to make tea and 40 potato filled breads (paratha) for the entire family of 7 people. I even washed the dirty vessels the first day itself which were left there on sink last night from my mahandi hands which by the way took 8 hours to get completed. I was instead telling to myself that this is real life and all those things about new brides are only a part of some big budget serials.

I did not even realize his intentions when on our honeymoon in Singapore, he asked me to pay the hotel bills as all his money was over by the time of check out. Instead I was feeling bad that he would have felt bad asking his wife money and over splurged him with all the money I had at that time. Even after that I was happy when he would take me out for only a glass of juice after we returned to Hyderabad as he left his job one week before our marriage without informing me. Things did not even annoy me when even after 6 months he did not want to resume his job. All he wanted was to sit on his sofa with full bucked of KFC chicken and watch WWF. I am amazed at myself as I did not feel cheated when I came to know 6 months after marriage that he has only completed his 12th standard. How did he manage to hide this from me. He told me that he was a b com graduate and he is pursuing MBA. Still I stayed with him and made a decision to help him succeed in life.

Today I am amazed at myself for not feeling that bad about any of those things. Yes we fought when his family taunted at me for not giving them enough money and rather spending on the lavish wedding. After all I am a womanist and  how I could have tolerated such a remark but they say right, Love is blind and so was I at that time to think that only his family is money minded and not him. He loves and he needs me so I should become the provider of family.

Things only became bad for me when he stopped returning home after office, when he started hiding his chat screen as I enter the house and his phone stayed on silent mode at all times. I still did not pay much attention to this thing even after I read his chat to his ex girlfriend as I felt maybe he was in some mood when he spoke to her.May be he need some time alone and maybe he is craving his singlehood. So I decided to give him some space and applied the theory that you need to loosen the rubber band for it to expand to its max and then return to its normal position.

I still can not remember how and when I became unimportant for him.Basically I was never important for him at first place. It was what I have had assumed out of my need of a loving husband. I now think that I should have spoken to him about this when one of his office colleague sent him message expressing her attraction to him or when I saw him standing at a telephone booth talking to her ex girlfriend or when he stopped returning home directly from office. But my love for him or the need of him was too him was too high that I chose to remain silent. But it was over when it was out and clear that he is cheating on this institution of marriage with a new colleague. I remember confronting him and he made me believe that I am wrong tp doubt at him. I cried silently when after making love with me he was texting her to ask why she had switched off her phone. I wept sitting on bathroom floor at middle of the night when I heard him talking to her from under the covers. Why was I tolerating this so much. I am well educated woman and have always believed in doing the right thing so why couldn’t I stand up at that time.

It was because I had no surety from his mouth that he is out of love with me and that all this is true. Instead he was only making me believe that I am a nagging wife and not giving him enough space. Today also when he came from his office party he lied to me saying she was not there where in only 10 minutes his friend posted on Facebook that why Sushant left the party with her so early and that they were missing these 2 people. I did not dare ask Sushant this time about an explanation but he himself started shouting and blaming me for doubting at him. He told me that only because you don’t believe me , I hided from you about her coming to this party Meera. She was not well so I took her to her home and stayed with her until his husband would return home and he kept on comparing me with her stating that she never doubts at her husband when he returns home late and she has a life of her own and that she has told her husband about Sushant and the special friendship they share. I was only listening to the anger coming from his mouth and then he changed his clothes and went to sleep peacefully. His mother heard the whole conversation by standing next to our room door and did not say word.

I am sinking. I am sinking so deep that I may not be able to recover. I need air. That is when I put on my slippers and starts walking. I am completely lost. I hate going back to that place where no one cares about me, where my husband is silently sleeping and is not bothered where his wife is. I hate myself for being so submissive. But where will go? I don’t know anyone here and I did not carry my wallet while coming out from home. I should rather kill myself and may be seeing my corpse he will realize that I loved him so much that I did not want to stay with him. Meera, you gotta be kidding me, wake up from this slumber and see the future,my brain said but my heart gave counter attack and said, no don’t listen to your brain Meera, you don’t deserve anything good, you are unlucky in love and you should accept this as fate.

A little far away I can see some men trying to tie the biggest statue of Lord Ganesh of Secunderabad with ropes as they want to take this to the main temple and will immerse the deity in water on GaneshChaturthi. I am now standing in front of the deity and I am looking straight at his eyes and I question his with all conviction that are you really GOD? Do you really have some powers or you are just a mere piece of design? I continued in my head, If you really are a true one then show me the truth or else shame on you and you should never show me your face again. I say this and I turn my back at him as I am only angry with him and I start walking back to home without thinking anything.

I am at home and I amazed at what I see, my loving husband is talking on phone with beloved and he never cared where I went. He immediately keeps the phone down and comes to me to ask sorry and tells me that he lost his temper and that he will never meet her again. This is the man who was just speaking to her right now. But I have no energy to argue as I am tired because of walking for almost 4 hours now. I go to my bed and shows him that I am tired and going to sleep. He kisses on my head and rushes towards bathroom to take bath and get ready for work as he works at night shifts. Just then something inside me asked me to check his phone. I accidentally went a section on his phone which stored the recorded conversations. This phone of his had a problem with touchscreen and at time the record button used to get pressed when you are talking with phone unlocked. Why the hell I never thought of this before, I cursed myself.

There were 6 files saved and I immediately transferred them to my phone and put head phones and listened to them straightaway. It had conversation of him with his girlfriend where they were deciding the place to make out and the fighting over the topic of him having occasional sex with me where he was promising her that he has stopped touching me months back. I am not crying even after listening to this. Instead my hands and legs are numb, my body became completely cold and I was sweating heavily. He came out of bathroom and did not notice a thing and went to his office. I sat on that bed for may be an hour or so just looking at the wall in front of me. I somehow could not think and may be I was in a state of shock. May be I wanted someone to take my name and ask me to react.

I forwarded the audio file to my two best friends and they immediately called me. The call was a conference call and both of them asked me to stand up and pack the bags and wait till morning breaks and walk out. I was anyways not able to think so I followed their instructions. I stood up and took my bag and neatly started packing my clothes. I was extremely slow in my actions as I had whole night to pack. I remembered all those scenes from old Hindi movies where actresses would leave their husbands and will be packing their bags hurriedly with the hangers intact. I finished packing my important clothes, my camera, my documents and my left over gold. I then sat on my bed and now I realized the pain. Something was hitting me in my heart. It was pinching me like 1000 knifes. I started crying and crying and crying. I went to bed and turned to one side and hugged myself and cried as I am left all alone.I have no way in front of me, I am not sure if I will ever be loved again and even if I will then how will I trust anyone now, how will I tell my parents, who will marry my sisters, where will I live and there will be no one to hug  me also now. For hours I cried and once I got tired of crying I felt some strength inside. I remembered the saying of Buddha’s that ” There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth ; not going all the way and not starting”

So yes I need to start now. I should not and can not limit myself from a nice life ahead. I have hope as I am healthy and can work to earn my bread and butter. I am young and energetic and will surely live life with zeal and zest like I have always wanted to life. Yes may be I will be alone for sometime or for a long time or may be forever and may be this deep wish of mine to have a harmonious relationship will never come true but still that should be better then living with a husband whose nature is to cheat and a family who gives a damn about me.

I am still me and I will not give in for this mental torture. The world is big enough and I will find a way.

Yes I alone will find a way.

My First Love

I am yet again lost in my history class. I am sitting at my favorite window seat and looking outside classroom from where I can see the entrance of our school. I hate history but mostly I hate this female teacher who is teaching the most boring subject in an amazingly boring way. Gosh when is this going to end, I asked my best friend Preety who is sitting next to me and is making hearts on last page of her notebook with an arrow hitting and penetrating the heart and two letters written on that heart as AK. She does not respond to my question so I poke her with my elbow to which she only makes a sound in return. 

How can she be so lost in love, I am thinking to myself, as after all I have never been in Love before. I don’t know how it feels like and to some extent I find it stupid. As she is not replying to me I then shift my focus to my teacher who is staring at me and I instantly put a face of a very studious student. I am sure I can be an actor in future. My concentration and my plan of future acting is disturbed by Preety when he hits me with her leg in repetitive motion as though someone has left snakes on her feet. What are you doing, mam will see us, I whisper slowly and to which she replies Oh my God look at Akash , he is staring at you. 
I instantly look above, towards my right where Akash is seated and finds him staring at me. As anyways he is very studious and shy boy, he looks down at the same time but he has seen that I have seen. Me and Preety pass viscous smiles to each other and wait for our teacher to leave the classroom so that we can shout in happiness.As soon as our teacher leaves the class, we stand up in a jerk and turn around to tell our other friends about it. Well mostly Preety is telling and I am suddenly turned into Cleopatra.
I walk out for lunch time and accidentally come face to face with Akash and he says Hi Meera to which I just wag my head and moves out of classroom and I am feeling elated inside.
Days have passed but Akash has never looked at me again. Why is he doing it? Have I mocked him badly? Is he not in Love with me now? Is he never going to look at me again in class? What am I going to say to my friends? They will mock at me for this.
After 2 days, its friendship day and I decided to buy a greeting card and place it under his desk when he is out in prayer. I go to the market and brings home perfect greeting card for the occasion. Its big card, with a big heart in front where its engraved with red bold letters – will you be my friend? and as I opened it played a
the music of famous Titanic song, every night in my dreams I see you I feel you. I am dancing on the tunes of this song in my room and for the first time in my life, I am feeling tickling in my stomach and I am nervous to chore. I was not this nervous when I was applying for 9th final exams which were only last year.
My stomach is aching , I can not come for prayer assembly today, you go please, I tell this to Preety. Soon I am all alone in my class and I leave this card under Akash’s desk under his lunch box and sit on my desk with heads down. The assembly is over and I can hear kids rushing towards classroom. Akash also comes and sits quietly on his desk and soon our first period of day has started. Why is he not looking at the card, I am thinking to myself. The whole time I am nervously looking at him and a though enters my mind, what if he will show this to principal? After all I mocked him at first place. I am swearing now and feeling guilty and ashamed of myself and I plan to take that away from his desk in next period when he will be going out for sports hour.
He leaves and same time I rush to his desk but to my surprise there is no card. He has seen it, Oh No , he has taken it with him to show it to the principal. I am panting in fear and I go back to my desk and put my head on the desk and God knows when only I fell asleep.
Its end of day bell and we all are leaving towards out school buses. Akash also comes with me in my bus as he lives in the same area as I live in but his block is little far from my block.
Ok so pricipal did not call me today. May be he will call my parents tomorrow. I am scared to death. I reach home and acts a perfect kid in front of my mom. I leave home and go for my tuition classes where I find Akash standing. He smiles at me and offers me an envelop and leave. I hide this from everyone and as soon as my class is over, I rode my bicycle to home and close my room door and open this envelop. Oh My God, it has a greeting card and that is prettier then my card. It has Micky and Minny sitting on a swing in a cuddly pose and the swing is covered with all sorts of red and pink flowers. As I open the card, there is another swing which unfolds and opens up in front of me like a magic trick and a song is being played which is Enrique’s I can be your Hero baby. 
Oh My God! I am in Love and he Loves me too. I am lost in transit state now.