Making The Decision is not easy!

Mark Twain once said that ‘ You are never wrong to do the right thing’. We all always know what is the right thing to do but we almost never do it until a force of situations makes us do otherwise. We are all stuck in a rut even after we see a way out.

I once read somewhere that in a psychological practical test, few dogs were kept in a cage and they were given shock from a panel underneath and the ceiling was open but was high so dogs could not jump out I guess. The shock would make the dogs jump in air and they would try to escape but because of the height of that cage they could not so they would drop back down and get another shock. After a while, the doctors opened one part of the cage and noticed that the dogs still jumped in the same way when they were given shock. They just did not move out from the open exit. Its like they had some sort of fear of unknown as they could not do anything at the initial phases to save themselves so now they somehow know that they can’t save themselves and its sad to see that they have adjusted to the circumstances even when there is a way out.

How different are we from these poor dogs? I don’t think we are any different from them. If once we get hurt or see someone getting hurt then we make that as a pattern in our brain.

We almost always know inside what needs to be done but how often do we do it? I am not talking about small confrontational things which you do after a long thought, for example, you know you have to have a talk with someone so you make sure you do it after overthinking it for sometime but what about those bigger decisions which you often think about but seldom take action on?

I always knew in my past relationships that I needed to move on but I kept on with it until it became offensively disturbing to stay. We all do it. Right? I stayed at my last job even when I had a real way out of joining a business partnership, something I wanted to do for so long but the fear of unknown stopped or should I say jammed my feet.

Why are we like this? I wish we were more honest with ourselves than with others. I wish I could take more risks. I wish we all could. How else would I ever overcome the fear of unknown. For now, I consider this as a much required intervention which I would do in a near future. When will you do it?

When will you stand in front of the mirror and say out loud if your job is working for you or not. What do you need to do to change it? What steps you will have to take from today to find something your heart desires in future? When will you have that conversation with your beloved and say honestly what you feel? When will you stop cheating with yourself?

I am not blaming you. I know its very tough and if it wasn’t then we all must have been living life in different ways with its new and scary challenges. As a basic nature of human, we are a community, hunters and we are trained from medieval era to be with everyone and the way to be with everyone is to stay in harmony. How do you stay in harmony? By not hurting anyone. So what do you do instead? Hurt yourself.

We are wired to be fearful of the unknown but if push comes to shove, we can take that bloody spear and hit bulls eye.

 

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Something Strange happened

Okay so I am writing after what feels like a decade and the sole purpose of writing this piece is that I need to vomit my thought somewhere.

I don’t know if you know that I have been ‘very desperately’ looking for some answers. You can say some sort of existential crisis. You know like the reason I am here and the reason behind all this. Why should I stay sort of thing. BUT anyways.

You know how we know that at such a moment, what would any self respectful person do? Google. But in me case, I searched some free Tarot reading about my future prediction. I know its fake and the reason I some times read that is because it makes me feel good.  But while reading it, I remembered what happened today. At that time I did not think much about it but at this very moment when all seems dark and gloomy, that incident is being watched in new sense.

What happened? I tried quitting home life for a while and went to a nearest coffee shop and forgot to carry enough money. I just had money for the auto both ways but who cares. The moment I got dropped off at the coffee shop, this Sikh guy came with a list of names and asked me to put my name in there and donate whatever money I can for the benefit of some children. I felt really bad so I showed him my wallet and said, see I have not money so I can’t contribute.

He wished me good day and I started walking away. Just after 10 steps another guy approached with same sort of list and I said to him in hurry that I had already spoken to that guy who is standing over there. To this, the new guy started a small talk sort of thing and I hurried as by this time I smelled scam. He shouted at me and said, I” wish you good luck. I am a face reader. I know your next month is going to be very lucky. You take care.” By this time, I was basically sprinting towards the coffee shop but when he said something so absurd, I didn’t know what to reply in return so I just said thanks and walked away.

I forgot about that completely. But just before I could loose it right now, I remembered him. Maybe he was a fluke but it feels like a message of some sorts. Like there is hope. Like something could change. Like I can finally stay strong in my position and like I can move out of this position into something brighter, colorful, joyous, loving phase.

So, Mr who ever you are. Thank You.

 

Lets Do This: day 8

What a busy day it was!

Feels like it was only a few hours ago that I jumped out of bed in the morning. The day today went unnoticed and I certainly do not think that is a very good thing but it is what it is. I am sure this happens with a lot of people who work and commute to work in public transports that the day turns into night which then turns into a week and before you know it a year has gone. Once  that happens we get crazy and bombed with the negligible things we did last year and hence we  make new year resolutions to make “this” year count and we slip into our same old boring routine only after 10 days.

What is the issue with us? Why do we only do things when there is pressure. I think we all should learn and teach our mind muscles to be more proactive on a regular day to day life and only then we will be able to do things we really should be doing.

As a part of my regime, I did get up at 4:50 Am today and did some home workout and also I ate healthy the whole day. But even said that, I was actually feeling that these YouTube home videos are actually mediocre workout and my body is used to the rigorous drill.Hence, I feel I have to include more running into my daily workouts rather than only running on the weekends.

An inside : I have downloaded an app called “5 minutes journal” and I am loving it. I actually started writing my morning journal in this rather than in my diary and this morning I had three goals to accomplish to make this day an amazing day and those were-

  1. Great workout – done
  2. Solving a work related problem – well, lets talk about this later
  3. reaching home on time – done

So that is a good score. ins”t it?

Lets Do This: day 7

Its a sad day!

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I do not want to write about my regime today. Did I wake up early? Did I exercised? As that does not matter. what matters right now for me to stay afloat, to not get bogged down, to continue fighting  and to be waiting for the ray of light in this darkest hour.

I can not share much about my feelings with you all on this blog but all I can say is some times I get tired and I feel that I have done enough and now I have to only wait for things to turn out good, which is never a good way to live life as before you even begin you have given the control to ”Destiny’ which plays by his own rules.

One vote of advice I will give today is: If something bad is happening in your life and stopping you from swimming to the shore but you are getting the sinking feeling like you are just dawning into deep ocean then let it be. Its best to feel the sadness now rather then telling yourself lies that this is going to be Okay and that I am fine and that it does not matter a lot to me. Because when you do not believe in the pain then at the same time you do not believe in the hope. Let it be. If you are sad then just acknowledge the feeling and listen to its voice and bare with it. keep it alive in you like a burning candle which will eventually show you a path but yes its important to have one eye at the shore as you do not want to drift too far in the feeling that coming back will take more than anticipated time.

The funda here is that, if you are sad then its okay to be sad and cry your eyes and at the same time allow only a day or two for this and snap out of the sad ritual once you have done mourning and then do not go back to that emotion.