How dare I write Fiction – a sort of prologue

Let me begin by asking you a simple question, How do you like to spend your valuable time? If it is reading then here is a tiny treat for you my friend. If you are like me who enjoys writing then welcome to my Fiction-Away-Time.

If I think about a relationship between me and my words and my life then I realize that I spent pretty much most of my life reading wonderful stories by a lot of amazing writers and listening to some kick ass music rather than hopping bars, visiting famous restaurants, pajama parties or friends night outs. It would be hard to sum all the books and genre here as there are just uncountable number of memories I have with all the books, blogs, comics I read. But I feel there was a pattern or the better word to describe pattern is an obsession. What do I mean by obsession?

Let me think, first there was a champak obsession where I would keep the freshly arrived copy hidden in my school books and read that while pretending to read my school stuff. Then after some time came classics obsession more so to prove people that I read classics (God only knows who was observing me and the books I read ;. Maybe my imaginary friend Alex- more about Alex some other time)). Moving on, after a long period of trying to understand classics there was a ‘mills and boons’ phase which can also be termed as “growing up” phase.  This phase had a partner and that was melancholic music and mostly Lucky Ali or Bryan Adams. Well, then there was a sydney obsession. I just had to read all the sydney sheldon books. What? You did not do that? Maybe you were busy living life : boorrrring. Sydney fans I want you to support me here please.

Then there was a big obsessive phase of Fiction and I was welcoming with both hands all Jhon Greesham, Sydney Sheldom, Jeffery Archer and rock music into my sleepless nights. I was that girl!

But as they say, we eventually grow up. (You only wish I did that)

Anyhow then somehow I stumbled upon Shiv Khera and my my it opened or I must say broadened the horizon for a new way of reading which was also a learning. The era had begun of Robin Shrama, Paulo Coelho, Khaled Hosseini and many more. These guys are way to special to let go of even now. So the obsession continues.

I loved all of you guys and as a child wanted to become like one of you but I could not choose which one was more close to my heart. But somewhere I feel that it would have been a close call between Khaled or Rowling if I had a gun on my head and had to make a choice.

But all these years had made me believe one fact that I can not be like any of these amazing writers and it took me a long time but finally I am actually happy with that fact. As I would be ME.

This is my world of infamous, raw, clueless, aimless writing. If you do end up enjoying my stories then please do leave a comment. I would go like this “smiley.jpg

Loser dairies

I asked her to pick herself up

​I am all dressed today with blow-dried hair, red lipstick, kohl, tights with nice black and white sweater. standing in my fancy  boots. I am looking pretty awesome, I know and I also know that behind kohl eyes are deep emotions of despair. You can’t see me today and why do I care looking good when I actually feel empty inside. 

Waiting at my usual metro station I kept staring at the tracks in front of me and it hits me. I can’t do this anymore. Per chi? For whom? I don’t realize the space around me and I start to sob like I just got off from phone with a news of someone dearly being passed away. I drop down to my knees with eyes n nose full of teary water and an open mouth with painful sob sounds. No one comes to save me from this embarrassment and I cry more. I cover my face with my palms and pray to God to take my life as I have done enough damage in one life to my own self. Let me start again.please. Give me one more chance.

Loud metro siren comes buzzing and breaks my chain of thoughts.  Here I was standing tall with sad eyes which were dreaming of sobbing just a nano second ago. I take a deep breath and ask my broken spirit to get her ass off from floor and pretend for one more day. Let’s bring a show together my friend…just once more.

She doesn’t listen but I have to get on the metro so I walk towards the metro and like the loser she is, she runs and comes to metro behind me.

Meera chapter 10- Date?

Sunday morning# Alarm snooze @ 7 AM# Eyes wide open # Happy smile on face#

This was a new avatar of Meera. After leaving Chirag in Lucknow, she never felt at peace with herself. Things were changing now. She had an admirer and she could say that because in the last one week she had multiple conversations with Sid. Even then one part of her brain kept saying please go slow as those things which happens so quick are usually a disaster.

But this time it was different. She was with a mature man, Sid was almost 33 years old and was well educated from a renowned university. He used to work as a manager at his previous firm from where he decided to quit to start his business. He was smart, decent , knowledgeable and hardworking = all the things Meera wanted in her guy.

She jumped out of bed in a hurry and realized its only 7 and she is not meeting him until mid day so there was a hell lot of time to start getting ready. But time was her enemy as it moved as slow as it could and she did not want to ping him as she didn’t want to express her desperation to him. After several cups of coffee and a face pack later, she decided to start getting ready. After an hour while checking herself in mirror she ticked a mental checklist, Hair- well straightened, Makeup- Subtle, Dress- nice jeans and blue blouse which she brought from Zara for this day, it was made up of crochet kind of stitch and was slightly see through, Shoes- her favorite peep toes, so here she was looking subtle and sexy at the same time.

Within an hour with all the prep she was ready for the big DATE. Only problem was she didn’t know if this really was a date.

When she reached the pre-decided coffee-shop in Khan Market Sid was already there. It was quite evident from his gesture that he was pleased to see her. They both hugged in a slight awkward way.

Sid while complementing Meera: You are looking very nice.
Meera thanked him and returned the favor.

The waiter came too quick and placed two giant menu cards in front of them which  had a funny shape of Wine Bottle and served them their drinks. It seemed Sid had pre ordered two fruit crushes for both of them.

Meera: Hmmm so finally we meet.
Sid: Yup. I cant say am not excited coz I am.

Meera: (smiling) I cant say I am not impressed by your manners coz I am.
Sid: oh cmon. These are just small things but ya I would like to do something better for you like finding a decent job.
Meera: So did you find one for me?
Sid: Yes mam. I have a friend and there are openings in his organization. I have given him your number and you will get a call soon. (Sid said proudly)
Meera : Oh wow. Thats great. So now I am really impressed.
Sid: Just take me out for a coffee once you get the job (winked)

Waiter came to take orders and Sid leaned towards Meera and said “Since this is the first time we are together why don’t you order? ” and Meera thought to herself its really is a date.

She ordered some red pasta, chicken ravioli and mushroom with black beans and left the decision of wine on Sid.

It seemed like a complete shift of character in her. Only few months earlier she was all depressed and bruised from a relationship and today her face was stretched the whole time into a smile. She liked the feeling of sitting with a man who looks at her while eating rather than checking out the girls at next table and who talks to waiter in a polite way instead of treating him like a servant.

Sid waved his hand in front of her face, Hello, what happened? Where are you lost? Am I too bad of a company?

Oh not at all. I was just thinking of something, she replied and decided to pay attention here rather than mentally analyzing things. And just then Sid said, “so what do you like to do next?”  and she replied,”I dont know. Anything is fine with me”. “So lets go for a movie if you like or may be we can go to Kingdom of dreams or perhaps for a long drive if you like”, he offered.

Ummmm, I think movie would be OK for today as I have to go little early and kingdom of dreams is fun only at night and long drive would not be that fun too in this heat, she said.

So they decided to go for a movie “Queen”. The theater was quite far for a road trip and thus they had more time to chat in car. It was unbelievable for her that a man can be so intellectual and sensitive at the same time. Their talk again went to politics and system.

Sid: By cleaning roads, this new party will not be able to develop our country. I know cleaning is required but on a list of priorities they should have new industrial reforms and infrastructural developments and forming new policies to increase the gdp.

I completely agree with you Sid but you are deviating from the topic. Government will make policies but when at grass root level there is corruption then how can they ensure that all the implemented policies are taking effect? she said while defending her party.

Oh dear Meera, just give me a month and I will change your views. I promise you that I will make you a pro for my party and they both laughed about it and headed for movie.

While watching the scene when actor in the movie leave actress a day before wedding Meera realized this is the wrong movie she has chosen to watch with him as she was unable to control her emotions at that time. She was  just like the actress some time back. The only difference was she left him but other than that life was pretty much the same. She took an auto with all her bags while he was asleep in middle of night and went to airport without realizing that her eyes were full tears.  A tear dropped while thinking of that night and watching the actress cry. She wiped it quickly but it was too late and Sid had already seen it.

The later part of movie was heroic and they both enjoyed every bit of it. In parking lot, Sid asked her that why she cried and she felt like this is the right time to tell him about her past but somehow she could not tell him and she just gave a shy smile as a response.

He dropped her home and they both hugged nicely this time. He planted a kiss on her cheek and wished her goodnight.

Meera chapter 9 – First Email

She reached home and all she could think of was how nice Sid was and that she can still be hopeful to meet someone nice like him after the horrified incident in her past where she was abused and tortured to death. “God, I don’t want to think about chirag now. I don’t even want to remember his name”, she told herself.

She checked her phone at least 100 times to see if he pinged her on whatsapp or chaton or did he send her a friends request on Facebook. She decided not to send request first or call first or message first as that has always led her in wrong paths before. She decided to be patient and wait for him to show that he is also interested like she is. The wait was over when she came back from office the next day and decided to login to her Gmail account and here it was – an email from Sid. Shit why didn’t I check my Gmail account, she thought.
It read –
Hi, just got up from a long sleep after reaching home.I was thinking about our chat yesterday and now I am wondering if that’s why I got lot of dreams last night. But it should wear off soon.  I am unable to find you on Facebook so please send me your link and also I am not on whats app but will download and let you know – not sure if I will stick there though 🙂
She read over and over again these 5 lines and the first thing she did was to send him a friends request. Ofcourse she had already found him on Facebook but was only being patient. Now she could not be more patient. And voila, he was online so instant approval and they started chatting instantly.
Meera: Hi, glad to see your mail. I hardly login to this id but I am glad I did today.
Sid: Thank you for adding me on Facebook, Why your id was not searchable?
Meera: I have privacy settings thats why. So how are you?
Sid: I am fine. My dog is behaving weird, he is not recognizing me at all.
Meera: Give him sometime. He must have missed you a lot when you were not there and therefore may be throwing tantrums.
Sid: ya you are right. But I am so glad, I am finally on my bed. I just don’t get sleep anywhere else.
Meera: Oh, I thought you didn’t sleep nicely last night due to dreams.(she hoped silently that he meant her when he wrote that line)
Sid: Ya I know its strange. Usually I dont get that many dreams but dont know how this happened.
At night around 7:45, Sid called on her cell phone.
Hi.
Hi.
Sid:So whatsup?
Meera: Nothing. I just finished writing my blog.
Sid: I guess I asked you to send me your blog address.
Meera: Ya… actually its private, I mean except for some close friends, no body knows about that address. I want the blog to be popular in real way.
Sid: Well, ok, But I still want to read it.
Meera: hmmm, ok give me some days. I will send you the link. So what are you up to?
Sid: Nothing. Just planning to go for a movie.
Meera: Which one?
Sid: Highway. Have you seen it.
Meera: No. I will watch it in some days with a friend(She had no plans of watching and she hoped he would ask her to accompany him for the movie).
Sid: Shoot. I would have asked you to come along but these tickets were booked for some time and now I kind of have to go.
Meera: Ok, have fun. talk to you later then I guess. Even I have to complete this blog now.
Sid: Bye Meera. But ping me once you are free.
After one hour, when she was done with he dinner and was enjoying her green tea, she saw a text from Sid.
Sid: someone was supposed to ping me. 😦
she replied,  someone is busy watching a movie. :^
Sid: Relax. Its just a movie. Ping me any time. I will reply. 🙂
She thought to herself, its going way too fast. Either he is just a flirt or I am misunderstanding everything and she replied, “Hmm that’s cool. But you enjoy the movie. Will talk to you later.”
Sid: You ditcher. :^
This became a daily ritual. He would call at 7:30 PM and that is the time when she would be returning from her jogging. They would talk for sometime. Since he was working at a start up company, he did not have time limitations with him. He would call as and when he is free and since she was also only working with her NGO those days, she used to enjoy those time out with him.
On that Sunday night, he called at 9 PM and they spoke till 2 AM in the morning. He was an intellectual boy and very engrossed in politics. She on the other hand kept all knowledge of the happenings but her heart for more into developing the society so which made their talks even more interesting. A dedicated government would have got ample amount of ideas if they would have tapped their conversations.
Finally next weekend, they both decided to meet at a coffee house and he informed her about a job opportunity in one of his friends organization.
Their meeting was all Meera could think that whole week. She decided everything- from attire to hairdo, even conversed with him in mind for several hours..

Meera chapter 8- Where it all started!

2 Months back.

I was travelling back to Delhi from Jaipur from Shatabdi express after an usual guilt trip meet with my mother and as I entered the boogie I found out that my seat was next to a very handsome man. The train journey from Jaipur to Delhi is for almost 5 hours and if you get to spend that with someone that charming then what could be better but that holds true in only one condition that prince charming should be interesting to talk as well. Nevertheless I felt relieved that I  do not have to spend that time chatting with an aunty like I did the last time when I was going to Jaipur. At that time all that aunty wanted to talk about was how girls of this generation are proving to be extremely bad daughter in laws and how she was the perfect one who always obeyed her mom in law in her younger times.

But this time I felt relieved that not only i will have a better young company but also that the dude is HOT.

While trying to adjust a heavy suitcase on the compartment above our seats I almost lost the balance and trembled with the bag. “God; really are you serious? Now?”, Cursed at my clumsy self. I felt immensely ashamed at myself for being clumsy in front of a dude who saw this act and humbly offered his big and strong hands to help me with the luggage. “Thank you” I said to break the ice and also to show my nice gesture for the help provided by the gentleman. “That’s all right.” he spoke in a very manly voice. “Hi, I am Siddharth. pause. How bout you? ” he continued. Not only was he good looking, he had a very hot voice too which suited his tall, dark and handsome personality.

“Hi, I am Meera. “, I replied in a still jittery but happy voice and hoped that the journey of 5 hours will be enjoyable.

“Wow, what a beautiful name. I guess, I have heard it for the first time in real life. I mean I have heard the name before but only in movies and mythological stories but never in real life.” he said excitingly.

“Ya, my grandfather kept my name. But it caused quite a stir in my family at that time.”

“Stir? Why?” His inquisitiveness was real like his big deep eyes.

“Well, if you know about the mythology then the name Meera is associated with sacrifice, loneliness etc and my mother feared that I will end up sacrificing my life for someone I love and will not get the usual happy married life”, I tried to explain.

“That’s just rubbish. Our society has lot of stigma. I am sure name has nothing to do with all those things in life.” he further asked, “so what do you do?”

“Nothing actually. I am searching for a job in Delhi. I just moved in the city couple of months back”

“So how is this job search treating you? Which field is your preferred option?” and i explained my role in my last firm as a product manager and how I loved designing new and interesting ideas for the product after market reseach.

“Oh,well I can surely help you with job. I have many friends in Delhi. Send me your resume and I should be able to help you.”

“That’s great. Thank you. So what do you do Siddharth?”

“You can call me Sid. I have a startup company and I work with a partner. Prior to that I used to work with reggolb corporation. I am not sure if you have heard of them”

“Ya I have heard of them. They are into event management right? ”

“Oh yes.”

Their conversation was interrupted when Shatabdi waiter came to offer them breakfast which included some pasta, bread butter jam, eggs and coffee.

“Hmm I like their breakfast.”, he said and to that Meera replied only with a Me too smile.

Through rest of the journey, they spoke about everything from their favorite movies, favorite stars, favorite hobbies to bad travelling experiences. She did not forget to include the aunty and their conversation. They knew that people seated near by are listening to their conversations. From time to time they were realizing the fact that many people are all ears to their talk but they did not care at that time.

By the end of 5 hours, they knew a lot about each other and there were many similarities like they both were avid fans of offbeat Indian cinema with their favorites ranging from “water” to “Rang de Basanti” to “Mr and Mrs Iyer”. And to the fact that they both were sensitive towards current and crying issues, she being all for the underprivileged children and he was aggressive towards the corrupt and lethargic politics. They exchanged phone numbers and Sid promised to help Meera in finding a job.

That was a perfect journey and there was that moment when they both felt the need to say bye with a hug but it would have been tat bit too much so they both shook hands and promised to keep in touch but at that time all she thought of was the happy time she spent and that how much she adored her new friend and she had no idea that this little meeting could tremble her life way too much then she trembled in train’s jerks. But at that time he was moved straightaway to the bucket where she would keep guys who had chance of turning into some one special.

Meera chapter 7: Wedding Day!

Wedding Day:

The wedding hall was decorated with Marygold and Rose garlands everywhere and the aroma was distinctively of these flowers plus tadka dall, shahi paneer and moong daal halwa. The barat had come with a bang with groom dancing with his brothers at the gate. This was a rare visual as mostly we would see groom sitting on his Horse Back where all other relatives dance their hearts out in a baraat but this groom was not like any other groom. He had made it clear at the very beginning that he will not sit on any horse and will enjoy his baraat with all of his relatives but now it seemed like a bad idea as his heavy sherwani was all wet in dance sweat and his face looked red like all other baraatis.. not groom kinda at all.
I certainly enjoyed the view of my best friends life partner all dripping in sweat and at that time my heart was pounding with joy that ‘oh man, Kiran is going to have so much fun with this rookie kind of man’.

There is something I really love about Indian weddings and I seldom ask myself what is that? Is it the band baja baraat, the tasty delicacies or rather I should refer to that smell as the famous smell of carbs, the happy smiles or maybe some frowns here and there or its the excitement of family members. I guess all these things are right but there one thing which is more precious and sacred to the wedding custom and that is the only reason I feel a lot of people relish weddings: The promise.

Yes its the promise that we feel the bride and groom are giving to each other that night. A promise to stand by each other no matter what and to not look beyond one another in life. Its a very big promise indeed which most people fail to keep as I guess it fades away and someone is yet to discover a way for couples to remember these vows for life.

Anyways, it was soon time for the jaimala and Kiran’s mom asked me to bring Kiran from her dressing room. I have known this crazy girl Kiran since I was a child and hence practically I was her soul sister and had all rights to behave like one since Kiran was the only child and her mom always looked at me as someone who could be Kiran’s comforter. I always called Kiran’s mom Mumu and I knew that Mumu always felt guilty for not being able to give Kiran a normal life as she was very small when her father deserted both her and her mother and Mumu decided to cut all cords with her abusive in laws. But to her surprise they were more in hurry to break the cords but sadly a lot of her own relatives stopped contacting them as somehow Kiran had become an obligation on a lot of relatives. This left Kiran with only couple of close relatives which were her mother’s sister and her Irish husband and their 2 handsome son; Jermy and Jared who lived in Ireland with their parents and were here to attend the wedding. So apart from them I was the only close person for her at the wedding.

It was all on me to invite her friends etc and hence I decided to call Maria, Dheeraj and Sujoy to be a part of this custom where you bring the bride to wedding area. It was a picture perfect moment when Kiran was brought to the wedding hall with me and Maria on her two sides under phulo ki chdar (flower bedsheet) which was held from four corners by Dheeraj, Sujoy, Jared and Jermy. The moment I saw Anurag I felt that happiness which I call “promise”. Anurag looks very happy looking at his ‘to be’ wife.
* Somewhere between the wedding Jaimala Ceremony*
The wedding was in its full bloom when Jermy came to me asking for help in shifting the gifts to a room nearby. We both picked boxes and I was blindly following Jermy to the store room as I had no clue where the heck that was and I heard someone call my name. BOOM; I dropped the box and Kiran will kill me if it is some expensive breakable kind of item.  “shit..shit..shit” I sat to pick the box and some one who had called my name came running to help me.  “I am so sorry Meera. I didn’t think this could happen. Are you alright?” he asked.
“yes I am” and I looked at him and I was not that horrified from the accident then I was after looking at the person standing in front of me. It was Siddharth (Sid).
“Hi! How are you Meera?”, Sid asked.
“I am good. What are you doing here?”
“I am a friend of Anurag and actually his business partner before he left for USA.”
“Oh! well that’s great. what a small world”, I said hiding my nervousness.
“Yes! Indeed its a small world”, Sid looked nervous now. “Well you look beautiful Meera.”
” Oh well Thanks and if you dont mind I will excuse myself, I just need to finish some work”, I rushed to the store room and it was an excuse to hide my anxiety.
The wedding progressed beautifully and everyone looked happy. Thats the thing about traditions, you like it or not, it sinks in you and brings out happiness and joy although I could not enjoy it with same amount of happiness like earlier as now I knew he was here, in the same hall, somewhere.
Time came where Kiran bid good bye to everyone and sat in the car with Anurag. I knew that after 2 days of staying with her in laws she will be moving back to USA. There were tears in Mumu’s eyes but she was a strong lady and she always knew that one day this day would come. Kiran hugged me for a longer time and whispered in my ear “its your turn” and hugged Maria, Sujoy and Dheeraj and thanked them for being there with her on this important day of hers.
Right at that moment, I felt some shift in my life. Something changed and nothing was going to be same again. I don’t usually cry at public settings but at this moment I felt alone as ever and without my permission the tears found an escape route. My heart was in pain and said to me that ‘I am alone and will die alone as all the people I love somehow leave me’. What made the moment even worse was when I noticed Sid standing right next to me and graciously offering me his handkerchief but now I had no reason to behave politely to him since the wedding was over so I just moved away from him and went and sat in Dheeraj’s car.
Sid was left to stand alone and wonder and this is exactly what I had planned earlier; to make him hang- in there like he did to me 2 months back.

Meera Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Soon it was the day of wedding. Kiran was all prepared to look like a wedding diva in her royal red and gold lehanga. She was a dreamer her whole life and had planned her wedding even before she had any idea about the concept of marriage itself. She collected little things for her wedding outfit, for her honeymoon baggage and for her life afterwards. But with passing time, she completely forgot about those things of her imaginations but there is always that someone who knows you little more than you know yourself and in this case, it was Meera and ofcourse it goes without saying that Kiran was the one who knew Meera better than she knew herself.

Giggling sounds were coming from Kiran’s room and Meera understood that to be bride and groom are busy talking their hearts out.  “Are you serious? You told Steven that you will join after one whole week? Wowww. Finally, you are behaving like a lover. I wish I said yes to you earlier”
“Ya, but for that we should have met earlier. Isnt’t it?”
 Again giggles and the chat is disturbed when Meera enters in the room. Meera, snatches the phone, “Look Anurag, in just 24 hours you will take my friend really far, so please give these hours solely to me. Will you?”
“Oh, hey Meera, of course dear. You can have her even after 24 hours. As you know how pestering your this lovely lady is, I would surely love to buy some more time” in a naughty tone, Anuran replied.
“Oh, I so wish she would have heard that. But anyways, now its too late and you are anyways snatching her away so I only need 24 hours and then please for God’s sake, take her away. I am so tired of her.” As Meera told this she got slapped by Kiran on head.

Auch! Meera disconnected the call.

“Ok, so come here. I have something to show to you.”, Meera uncovered the box which she had in her hand, covered with a cloth. “Oh my God! Is it what I think it is? Meera, you still have this? I thought I lost it. Wow.”
“Well, how on earth I can forget it. You know something funny? I actually stole it from your luggage along with that pink top of yours which I always liked, when you were leaving hostel after final year and I kept it with me for this day. But I had no idea that things would be so different when this day would come. I imagined giving you this on our twin wedding. Do you remember how we both planned that we will get married the same day like the movie we watched, “Bride Wars””
“Ya Meera, those days were so dam amazing. Everything was rozy, we had no worries about future or anything for that matter. All we knew was, we should have fun, fall in love, and get married on the same day , have children and get them hooked and married ” Things have changed so much since college.

Anyways, leave all that behind now and open the box. Kiran had moist eyes seeing the things inside the box. It had the decorated red lace for her wedding dress, some sparkling beads for hair, wedding pictures of celebrities, honeymoon suitcase tag saying “we are on our honeymoon”, map of Spain where she always dreamt of going with her husband and many such items.  “I never knew that I would not need any of this when I will actually get married. I have got a designer dress and a celebrity makeup artist so using the things from this box is of no question, spain- well no holidays so no honeymoon” ,she felt very sad for a moment.

Kiran, you know something? Those days, you planned of everything possible but without a partner. have you imagined, how stressful it could have been if you were with a wrong person holidaying in Spain. Now, you are with Anurag, who loves you deeply, and you are going to start a new life with him, start planning fresh. Now, its time that you include a person in your future plannings. I am sure you will have all of the happiness and much much more.” They both hugged each other and Meera slides a gift pack to Kiran.

“What is it?”
“open”
“What is it? ts says reservation at vineyard hotel in the town of Sanxenxo. Thats in Spain right? What the hell Meera? Why did you waste your money on this when you know very well that we have no leaves”
“Relax Lady. This is for a future travel. When ever you plan to go there, you can stay in this hotel. This is valid for one year”
Kiran was speechless and just gave a cutish smile to Meera and it was time to start getting dressed up for the wedding.