Amor Vida : Love Life Day 344

I am so infinitely happy that he loves me so much, and I pray that it will always be like this. It won’t be my fault if he ever stops loving me.

Eva Braun

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Amor Vida : Love Life Day 343

Sunday Me-Time

It was a much awaited Sunday. I spent most of the day contemplating and staying connected to my inner silence. I think I would love to go days without uttering a word. Lets see.

I tried something new this time and I feel that you can give it a try too. So, to get into the details – I am a planner. From as long as I remember myself, I loved planning and it was all about goals and never about the actual execution of things which would lead me to the goal. Three years ago, when I actually realized this problem in my planning, I switched my thought from goal to actions. That is when I realized that I over plan.

But even though I reduced the goals to bites for me to have time to action on them, I was still over planning. Hence, last year, I ended up straining myself a lot with trying to achieve everything at the same time. So, this time, I changed my process.

Last night, till 4 AM in the morning, I brainstormed all the things that I want to get done in the coming year. Now, I have to choose any two major one’s which will be my motto for the year 2018 and then I need to find a window of time for all the other things. I also have to do a tough job of letting go of some goal.

This is a new process for me and I really wish this would help me in achieving what I must achieve.

 

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 342

A New Leaf 

37 days has passed since I wrote last and a lot has changed since then. To begin with, my last post was about the song from upcoming movie Padmavati which had become my repeat song on Wynk and 37 days has been very tough for the movie and its makers which seems to be doing major rounds in controversies.

A more serious and life changing experience which caused the gap from social media and my life per se? I am happy to share that my little sister got married to an awesome guy of her dreams. Planning a wedding can be tough. Ask me, I know it. Not that my sister is a bridezilla but I have to say that if you have a little sister and you are planning the events which would make her very happy then forget about other things for a while or else you will be like me, running on 5 horses at a time. Eventually I realized that I need to give her maximum focus or else I will not be able to do the things I finally was able to do.

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Image Courtesy: Allison Moonbeam Archer @free.the.girl

The whole wedding was actually a dream come true, outsource with some unpleasant experiences but overall a good fun. The time when entire family and closest of friends come together to celebrate your occasion. As I always say that I am blessed in friends zone and once again I saw it all from my own eyes. At any moment, I did not feel that I had to do it all myself thanks to my angels in disguise.

And if you know about Indian weddings then you would know about widai ceremony where the bride’s family is bidding good bye’s to the girl and this moment is capable of making all family members cry. I did not cry until the moment I saw her sitting in the car with her husband, something shifted in me. I cant really explain the feeling but I felt my small baby has grown up and is ready to embark on a new journey of her life. I was happy for her and at the same time I had this feeling that something very special is going away from me and I am actually happy for this. Strange feelings they were!

5 days have gone since she got married.

Now, after 5 days I got the will to sit on my desk and write to you. I lighted some incense candle, made myself a cup of honey chamomile green tea and soaked the moment of feeling the connection with my desk before I started writing.

I have to admit that this time has not been easy on me. I missed her presence in the house, I missed taking care of her as now I know she has someone who takes care of her like I do and more than everything I think I miss myself. Its funny that 6 months back when she shifted from Bangalore to Delhi to stay with us, I cribbed so much that she is making my room messy with her stuff, she does not give me time to relax with my books at night, she keeps talking when I want to just write and these last 5 days, I felt so uneasy with my back to normal room, no noise and so much peaceful time but no will to read or write. I felt like I don’t know why I should do any of these? What is my motive?

So a story- 6 years ago when I moved to Delhi, my life got attached to my sister’s. Everyone is my family made me feel that my life choices can affect her chance of meeting and getting married to a nice guy and a nice family. Since then, it became like the most important urge to see her happily married. Hence, naturally all my life aims started to look like this: “I will do this after she gets married”, “I will travel to that place after she gets married”, “I will tell parents after she gets married” etc.

Now that she is married – what now?

Mr Hanson told me that “Its awesome- you have a clean slate to write.”

So, GO NUTS. Shall we?

Wish me luck as I start a new chapter of MY life.

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 302

Since last couple of days I had been feeling a certain emotion which is hard to express. In my ordeal to make you understand, I would ask you a question. Okay?

Have you ever saw a Mirage?

Yes?

Well, imagine that you are seeing one right now and it appears so damn mesmerizing and beautiful. Since mirage only occurs at very high temperature, we know that it feels like a miracle. In the steaming hot sunlight, in middle of no where, when you did not expect to see any water whatsoever, you see a Mirage. You feel wonderful. At the back of your head, you always know that its an illusion of water in middle of desert but still when after a while, it disappears, you feel that feeling right…

The feeling of some what sadness. The feeling of finally waking up from something so beautiful. Well, I had somewhat that kind of feeling and no I am not PMSing. I had this weird drop in happy hormones when I felt like the Mirage of my life is lifting finally. I felt this in almost every part of my current situation: My job, my health, my relationship, my future.. everything. Its like, everything that I considered truth is somehow my illusion.

And I read this horoscope today. Untitled

Well, it actually makes sense but if only I could figure out what is the clutter. Can someone help me. Its a request.

From,

A girl trying to find meaning in life.

 

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 297

It is not easy to create something and then follow through it. Have you ever wondered how important one is without the another.

I am good at forming new ideas but terrible at following through. This is an area of opportunity for me to stick to something I create. Not that I fail at something and then stop following through. What happens is that I create out a very passionate moment and you can say that in a spur of moment without much R&D and as time flies, I loose that sense of passion.

I need to feel it to do it but once I feel it, there is nothing I can pursue. So I pray today that God let me do something which sparks joy in me even in the most dull moment.

Amen.