Lets Do This: Day 4

I did it!

Something crazy happened this morning. It was 4:50 AM and whoosh I jumped out of bed like I got panic attack thinking I missed my early morning regime. Hence, I checked my mobile again and again while trying to open my left eye (As I can only open my right eye when I wake up for the initial 10 seconds). So, here I was wide awake even before my alarm went off…. wow.

What did I do then?

I straight away went to brush my teeth and then to kitchen to warm some water and mixed aloe vera juice in it and drank. Well, straight to workout clothes and just before stepping outside for a great run I opened my curtains and here it was – darkness.

I am guessing a lot of you would not know much about Delhi. Well my friends going out in darkness for specially a women is equivalent to inviting danger. I am not saying there are beats sitting outside my home in early morning darkness but I am not comfortable going out at that time… as simple as that.

This made me a bit sad but I decided to work out at home and do some Youtube HIIT workout rather than waiting for the sun to spread its light on me. The workout was good and I actually felt quiet happy when I was done after 30 minutes.

I am now thinking that maybe this is how I should do. HIIT/YOGA/AEROBICS on weekdays and RUN on weekends. what do you think about this?

Also please recommend me some nice youtube workout videos.

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Lets Do This: Day 3

How should I find time?

Whoosh! I failed today. With sleepy eyes I saw my alarm which was set at 4:50 AM and somehow my brain sent a signal to my eyes to ignore it and I slept for half an hour which looked like the BEST SLEEP of millennium.  But finally when I got up at 5:30ish I was very sad.:(

I actually felt like asking myself-  is this plan ever going to work? But then what other option I have? 

Maybe I need to find some motivation factor, like a driving force which makes me wanna stick to it no matter what and get that body which I always had dream of. So, I googled “motivation factors to stick to workout” but then I figured that it is not exercise for which i need motivation but its getting up in the morning. Hence, second google “motivation factors to get up early each day” and this is what I got-

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And these dont really give the driving force, do they? In the first blog it says-

You can’t just wake up earlier and not sleep earlier. You’ll eventually crash. So here are some tips for getting to sleep earlier:

  1. Set a bedtime of 7-8.5 hours before you want to wake up. So if you’re waking up at 6 a.m., go to bed between 9:30-11 p.m. (So if I have to wake up at 4:30 AM then I should sleep at 8 PM and that is the time when I am still one hour away from home….. @Delhimetro- can you develop a fast track metro soon as you can clearly see that I am not getting enough sleep. )Where you are in that time frame depends on how much sleep you need. Most people need about 7.5-8 hours of sleep, though there are lots of variations. I tend to get about 7, but also take a short nap in the afternoons.
  2. Create a bedtime ritual. I like to set up the coffeemaker and clean up a little (it’s nice to wake up to a clean house), then floss & brush my teeth and do a flouride rinse. Then I read myself to sleep.   – I like this. I remember a friend once told me that “I have a date with my bed each night and he didn’t mean like he is going to get romantic with his bed which I am sure he might be at times, although I hope not with bed but on bed. However, I liked the commitment”
  3. No computers in bed. That means no laptop, no tablets, no mobile phones. Kindles are OK except the Kindle Fire, which is the same as an iPad. No TV either. Just reading. – c’mon, I write on my bed. What should I do? Find a bigger house or richer parents?
  4. Exercise helps a lot earlier in the day. It gets your body nice and tired, so you’ll sleep better. Don’t exercise an hour or less before bed, or you’ll be pumped up. I like a glass of red wine in the evening — it helps relax me and I tend to sleep a bit easier. – you gotta be kidding me…. for exercise I need sleep and for sleep I need exercise like for a better position you need experience and for experience you need better position. People and rules I tell you.
  5. Try this method if you have trouble sleeping: close your eyes and get comfortable, then think of the first thing you did that morning — the very first thing, like turning off your alarm. Then think of the next thing, and so on, replaying your morning in as much detail as possible. I never get to mid-morning. – This is good. A perfect method for staying awake… I mean for me ofcourse. You might get sleep. If I do this then all I would be doing is thinking and as time would pass I would think hard “oh if I sleep now then I will have 5 hours to sleep but I will still get up in morning and go out to run and oh in office I have to complete that file tomorrow but how will I do it as I am still waiting for the data from him. Today something good happened, when I was talking to.. shhhhhh sleep please. Its already an hour late but if I sleep now then I might get 4 hours of sleep and repeat.

I really need help and motivation for getting my ass off bed early in the morning and still being able to sleep perfectly for atleast 6 hours in the night. Any advice guys?

Lets Do This: Day 2

Lets Do This: Day 2

While finding “The Best Theme on WordPress” I totally forgot about the time and its already 9:45 PM and I reckon by the time I will finish writing this blog it would be easily 10:30 PM. Basically which would mean that I will have less time to sleep tonight. Bummer!

I don’t think I ever payed this much attention to the time per se, in my entire growing up life. I mean I clearly remember the time when I was in 9th standard and getting good grades was the “only” motto of my parents life but I was busy building castles in my day dreams. As my mom used to work in a full time tough nurse job, she used to return home pretty late after her shift and as I write this I can actually still feel that time when it was already 9:00 PM and the next day was my Science exam and I was busy watching TV. Ting Tong!

Oops my mom’s home and in about fraction of seconds the TV goes off, lights and fan of that room goes off too, the sofa goes clean, my books open and here I go with big eyes to open the door for my mom who always felt that I probably studied too hard the whole day whereas I was doing everything possible except studying. And that used to be the moment when I would realize that I wasted all that days time. I would then study like crazy till the time I could force myself to stay awake and I still scored well. This always makes me question myself that ‘what if I would have studied a little bit harder?’

So now I do not want to waste even a nickle of my life’s time as once you hit your 30s you feel it that time would pass you by sooner than you know it. Don”t get me wrong, I celebrate the 30s and I genuinely feel that this is the best time of life except for 40s which I think is super awesome but even said that, 30s are the time when you realize that we spent more than required time in a gift shop.

Hence, here I was, early morning at 5:05 Am, out of my bed. I was determined to be better than yesterday and I was feeling a bit less sleepy in morning today. I also did some yoga today and to be precise-

  • one set of suryanamakar
  • bhujangasana
  • dhanurasana
  • naukasana with variation
  • trikonasana
  • vrikshasana
  • utkatasana
  • And some meditation.

By the time I was ready to office, I felt good. So tomorrow I need to push myself out of door, out in open to run. Lets see how far I go with this determination.

Chao for tonight and by the way the time is 10:00 PM and I yawned almost 6 times in last 10 minutes. Yawwwohn.

Lets Do This!

We as a society are living our lives from weekend to weekend and our weekdays are only about our office and commute and nothing. The sad part is that for most of us the weekend is also a big Nothing. Where is the spark?

While I sit here on my bed in my room eating Indian Bambino spoon by spoon, I think to myself why should I commit myself to a daily blog? What will it offer me?

If you ask me I still know the exact moment when this thought took birth in my mind which was during one of my daily travels back home by Delhi-Metro. It’s almost every day that I end up introspecting my life rather than listening to songs or watching videos like everyone else is doing in the train and the soul-searching usually begins when I am half way through my ride back home and realize that still there is more than an hour left to reach home. On this particular day I was more than requisite emotional about my ‘daily living situations’ and at that moment the idea of ‘writing a daily blog’ sounded awe-inspiring and almost apt to turn my life around.

Now when I think about the actual writing process than I can’t help but wonder, I am once again making an overestimated plan with myself. To tell you about this in detail, here is a small story of how I have been throughout my life – So I grew up in a typical Indian household where parent’s only FOCUS is to get their kids in medical or engineering college and in order to get to that there is a long struggle of daily studies and extra classes and home works and revisions and repeat. I did all that and since my mom is a planner, she would ask me to make “Time Tables” for myself in order to give a dedicated time for each of the subjects and classes. Basically I did that in perfection. Oh wait a minute, did I tell you this about me that I am a perfectionist in making plans? Lol. I am.

So from the early childhood I got into this habit of making long and intense time tables and I bet you that if you follow my time table for even a month then Howard will come looking for you my friend. The only problem in my plan was that they were way too strict and way too intense for a normal human child. Oopsy I missed that small piece of information while growing up and continued making plans and failing at it and then wondering “why did I fail? I mean why can’t I just study for 17 hours a day and sleep for 6 hours and give 1 hour to bath/eat etc? ” I would beat myself up a lot for this and sadly this habit did not fade when I finished my education. This actually became me new normal. I would always make these intense plans of “working in office, reading while travelling back home, making my own food, learning how to play guitar, advance courses, dance classes and the list never ended”.

But even said that I believe that it’s important to plan and do stuff for our own self. Robin Sharma says that “your days are your life in miniature” and I kind of agree with him on this. This is the ultimate truth about everything we are looking forward for in our lives. All of us wants a lot of things and we know that to get to X we need to first do the Y and we set aside some time to do Y but a day slips in two and then in months and before you know it we have skipped that goal all together from our memory. It’s a shame if you ask me that we let this happen to ourselves.

How many of us actually work on improving ourselves after we finish our education?  When I hear people talk about their days, I mostly hear their stories about ‘how their partner is doing X,YZ or how a coworker is acting bitchy and how they are waiting for the shift to end so that they can hang out with friends at a bar etc’ and I very rarely hear form people that ‘you know I am taking this course of Advanced JAVA after office or I am learning how to play Piano the or that I go for a run before I sleep’.

We as a society are living our lives from weekend to weekend and our weekdays are only about our office and commute and nothing. The sad part is that for most of us the weekend is also a big Nothing. Where is the spark? I am not sure if the entire country has this issue but till date I have met only a very few people who would absorb themselves in their craft until they achieve something great out of it. For example, my friend shilpi who spends her days and days in one travel story until she knows everything about the place, people, ticket prices and routes etc. I instantly got connected to her and I believe that her passion was what made us like each other a lot. In our times together I don’t remember us bitching about anyone for even a moment. Our minds would never function that way and somehow those days when we were working together (1 year back) I did the maximum amount of travel and fun and writing.

So yes I am this person who literally hates spending days and days doing nothing great. I have to continuously enrich my soul in order to get a deep sleep at nights and my new job did gave me a good step in my career but it also gave me 4 hours of travel each day to office and back and soon it started sinking in me that I am letting the life slips slowly from fingers day by day.  I love my job and when I am at work then that’s the only thing I think about. I believe that “leadership” gets me and I love solving critical situations but I have this deep passion for my personal growth too and I need to do a lot of things day by day to get to the other end.

How will I find time to write? And what will I write about? I am mean the brilliant idea originated to bring some sort of momentum, fun, discipline and structure to my day to day life while my life is slipping through my fingers even as I write this.

So the first step in this process was to write down everything that I wanted to achieve to make this year and this life a masterpiece in my own way. I followed this method explained in a book by Robin Sharma which illustrates on how we should begin our journey from within. Out of many questions which you have to ask yourself one is “What would you want to happen in this year to make this year a remarkable year” and I instantly knew what I wanted from my year. I am not writing all that here and some of it is really personal but there are some common things which you can relate with like getting fit, reading more about great things, finishing my book etc. So I started planning like always.

While I was making grand plan for this daily blog, luckily I shared the idea with my friend Jonathan and he instantly advised me on how I should begin this program with only a few goals initially and then build on it rather that my plan of going full throttle only to get stuck with burned out engine half way.

Now you could ask me that I can simply write about this is my personal diary and get about it rather than giving a mirror to the world to see my life and its details. A part of me also worries that this could be seen as an act of ‘grabbing attention’ but the reality is that I am doing it for “All Of Us” as I am just like you. I have same fears, same challenges and same goals. We all are actually the same if you think about it. We all want a peaceful life, love, monetary goals, promotions and lots of these things. Sure it differs from person to person. I mean you might want an Audi and me a Volkswagen Polo, you might wish for a new acquisition of stocks whereas I might dream of a job at Lonely planet but end result is that we all are striving for something which is out of our reach and we feel that if we just put the right amount of consistent effort then we might be able to see how it looks like from up close.

Now while choosing which activity to begin my regime with I am choosing two at the moment, I mean I have toned down a lot from 6 to 2 (accolades for me). The things I am choosing are the ones that I certainly require to get more done in my day given my erratic schedule and these are also the things which have a deep impact in my life. Well, to give you a brief about my deepest wish you will have to know that I am a girl who is confidant in her bones but ironically who hates her body. Well not actually hate as that is a strong word but you can say that who is extremely critical of her appearances (just like you are). She also happens to be a wannabe writer who is struggling to find even a nickel of time to write and finish her first novel. She is also owner of a social initiative called Happy60ing which is not getting much of her attention because of same old thing- Lack of time.

So what are my most important goals- Get comfortable in my skin, finish my book and enjoy life with a lot of travels. I feel it’s time that I switch mode from planning to doing. Its time I find time to work out even when I have no time left in my day from my job and commute but that’s not a good enough excuse. Right? Also, if I don’t finish my book now then lets face it I will never do it and this would become like my guitar which is sitting in my room waiting for me to find time to grab it and play the strings with conviction and passion. So Lets Do This!

Hmmm so now we know each other. You know me because I just told you. ROFL and I know you because if you are still reading than probably you might be in that same race against time as I am so we are even. Let’s begin our journey together. Shall we?

Tell me something, do you feel happy when you look at yourself in the mirror or when you just turn side ways to stare at your ass? Well I feel happy sometimes as I feel ooooh that’s shakira but to be frank not always. And the sad truth is that I have been in this fight with my body since the beginning of this world and we seem to be going nowhere. It’s like there is no democracy but dictatorship of my body against me. The funny thing is that when I look at my old pictures I feel good about myself. I mean during most of my life I looked decent but I specifically remember cursing myself and my body all the time. Why did I do that? Why did I not like it then? Ok don’t get me wrong. I just love myself. I know its hard for you to believe it but this is the truth and the testimony to that love is my blog. Since I love my life and my self so much I want to leave no stone unturned while caring for it and while working on it.

How many of us work on ourselves? Not many I think. Even if there are people who are constantly doing that then I am sadly not meeting them so let’s meet friends. Tell me that you are like me and you want to give this life some great meaning and that you believe in constant work on body and soul.

I was actually thinking that from where do we get these images of perfect body and who told us that binge eating was stress buster? I mean someone must have opened the bag of chips for the first time when they were sad, right? But if these things are really so bad then why do we do this and then feel guilty. It’s the same for all of us- stressed then eat then feel guilty and be more stressed and repeat. We are actually cursing our bodies round the clock and I read somewhere that they can listen to us. Yes, our body can listen to us and feel really bad. I guess mine is angry with me but it was not always like that. I mean it did listen to me as all I wanted from my body was to not absorb any food that I eat and it listened. Voila. The impact of years of dieting has lead my body to reject food. I mean literally, if I eat more at one sitting then its bad (cant share the details) but then as I said its in dictatorship so I fight back.

But with that said Body Shaming is at its peak and its bad guys. We tell our friends that ‘babe you just look awesome’ but we look into the mirror and curse each and every extra curve of our body. Why? Why can’t we love ourselves like we love our friends?

So my blog is an attempt for me to appreciate what I have and at the same time work for a healthy and creative life. So here is what I am going to do– To start with I will include exercise and for that I will get up at 5 AM every day as let’s face it I have NO FUCKING TIME for that workout with luxury of sleep. Let’s see for how long I can do that for but let me tell you people, you haven’t seen this girl’s stubbornness yet. If I decide then I do it but it takes me some motivation to actually get to the deciding mode.

Ok so I am heading to bed as I have to get up at 5 Am tomorrow. For what? Of course to RUN.

Wish Me Luck.

Lets Do This: Day 1

One things I did not do carefully today: eat. My stomach was basically a dumpster today and ate about anything I could get.

Its 9:40 pm my time in India and I am back from a very long day at work.  If I look back at the day then I myself get mesmerized. I left home in the morning at 6:40 AM , reached office at 8:30 AM, worked whole day, started from there at 6;30 PM and reached home at 9:10 PM. wow. Thats like super busy and occupied. Can someone please check from Mr Obama if he spends an equal amount or less time solving world issues? Well I certainly should be awarded for my brave act today.

First things first, I did get up at 5ish in the morning but I took it a while to rub my eyes and shake myself up for exercise and by the time I brushed my teeth it was 5:40 AM and oopsy no time to workout but I had started a regime so how I can I give up. Hence, I did some sit ups, lunges, squats and stretching. I know these are not enough for getting anybody in shape but hey it was my first day and the most important thing was to get my ass off from bed and I did it. clap clap.

One things I did not do carefully today: eat. My stomach was basically a dumpster today and ate about anything I could get.

Okay for the record, I usually eat healthy and I am self motivated to do a lot of physical activities but I have some bad habits about food and life in general.

1. I am a tea addict. Not the nice herbal tea but Indian Chai with milk and sugar. Now I don’t take much sugar in chai so in a normal chai I would have 1/4 tsp of sugar but my mom says that this is the MAJOR block between me and my slimmer self. So maybe it is. Oh I forgot to mention that I can drink as many cups as possible in a day and 6 are normal. I also binge eat when bored. Basically when I am stressed I drink chai.

2. I love working out. Basically anything which require enthusiasm and energy gets me super active and maybe that is why I love trekking  and because of all the treks and training I did my body is used to tough training but I am fighting against time. I am not making it up. I actually do not have time. (KEINE ZEIT). So I am here to find time and basically make workout a habit like combing hair.

3. I need to finish my book in my erratic time. So yes that is a major haul. Lets see how I go about it.

Well there many more things I wish to achieve with this blog like meditation, reading and creative stuff that are crazy. But as one of the famous song says “we shall overcome (Hum Honge Kamayab in hindi)” we all should never loose hope and stop trying. So here it goes- Lets do this!

Hum Honge Kamayab

Hum Honge Kamayab, Hum Honge Kamayab. Ek Din. Oh ho Man Me Hai Vishwas. Poora Hai Vishwas. Hum Honge Kamayab Ek DIn.

I lOVE YOU GOD

I love you GOD.eye_of_god_by_tarthiev-1

Yes you heard it right. I have really fallen in love with you and your ways.

No really, I am serious.

Ok to be frank it’s not today that I have fallen in love with you.

I have always been there but at difficult times I felt drifted to the other side.

Remember that time when I cursed you for everything bad in my life?

Well, I am sorry for that. That day I felt you don’t love me and may be you are an illusion.

Funny thing is  I felt I have stopped loving you too.

But I was your foolish girl back then and I know you knew it.

You always knew that I will bounce back.

Today, I want to express my love to you.

I hope you have time for it.

You must be thinking why I want to say all this to you today.

Well, you taught me that there is no perfect moment to express love and gratitude.

So, let ours be today.

Let today be the day when I tell you how much you mean to me.

Don’t get me wrong now.

This is not an act of buttering but my honest message to you.

This is not one of those deals in which I tell you to give me this and that if I will burn 1000 candles in church or feed 1000 poor.

But yes I might still do that sometime as old habits don’t die soon.

However, I hope you would have noticed now that I ask very little for myself from you.

I now know that you have given all of your powers to me and with that I can achieve anything I want.

All I need is will and persistence.

So that’s why I pray to you for that sometimes.

It’s funny that before also I never asked you anything.

I actually begged.

I begged for a better life, for a loving partner, for better job and even for better physique. LOL.

Sometimes I got what I wished for and then I acted in a foolish act of gratitude which lasted only 2 seconds “Thank You God” and sometimes I missed out on that too.

But I was even worse when I did not get something I wished for.

At that time I never missed a chance to blame you, taunt you, fight with you, get angry with you and even deserted you for a while.

But you were still there for me.

No matter what.

No matter what I did  and said I now know that you never deserted me.

Instead you made me stronger by letting me flutter my wings harder at hard times.

I am such a stupid girl of yours.

I blamed you for everything but now I can see what you were doing with me was
actually pretty impressive.

You were preparing me for a better and wider space.

You were making me an empty vessel as that is what can hold the blessings.

I know that you are still working on me.

But now I know of your love.

And all I want to say to you is “I Love You”.

Why do I write?

One fine day while reading a year old event out of my own personal diary my eyes swelled up with tears and I felt too much sorrow for the person whose life story was described there on that page. An active part of my brain knew that its me who had written this yet the momentary feeling of over pouring emotion left me in awe of my own story. Well , enough of bragging which of-course is all true.

Since then I knew I had to write and tell stories about life, love, failure, achievement and every thing else which we humans relate to but they say it right that if you have a creative pursuit then don’t attach a target or a benefit to it. As the creative pursuit is the biggest selfless act of a human. Which of course I was not up to. On the contrary of selfless-finding -ourselves kind of an act I was dreaming about winning the Booker’s award someday and winning millions of follower’s hearts and encountering breakthrough success. I sound too shallow right?

Ofcourse its not completely black and white. When I wrote, it was like a part of me jumping out of the usual self, consumed in the words and process of knowing the answer. At that time I did not think about attaching any win to my write up but the moment blog was out, I would go restless and wait for the number of viewers to increase and maybe in that restless act I was the only one increasing the number of visits of my blog. LOL.

But maybe I always felt that writing was my calling in life. Maybe yes or maybe not. Even when for a larger part of my life I imagined writing to be a glamorous job and felt triumph like feeling when I would imagine myself telling people that” I am a writer”, but mostly I knew that I could express myself better in words.

I have to admit that I loved the praises.It did not matter to me how big or small the praises were but when someone would come and appreciate a story I have worked on or a narration they could relate to then that moment will be just like winning a Booker’s price. With time I have settled into knowing that writing can not be a profession but a love. The love which keeps me afloat. It is a form of outlet which I need to express myself  to the entire world. Like this is the only method of communication I can use to make them understand of my thoughts and this is the only way of knowing my own self, slowly but steadily each day, like a real progress.

Now after years into writing, I do not think I am completely selfless to all that exotic winning theory but that is no more a driving force to my creative pursuit. I write because I have thoughts which consumes my daily life and no I am not that selfless and God kind of a creature. I crave an audience. Yes eyes and ears who are reading my words and getting connected to my life in a soulful way.  Why do one needs an audience? I am still working on that answer. Cmon I am being honest. Isn’t honesty a virtue anymore?

But I think, what if Michelangelo had painted a chapel which no body was interested in visiting? The world would not have noticed a great art. Of-course that was not his motivation factor but the circumstances made him a popular and invincible artist. But I seldom think that there might be many more artists who would be doing tremendous work of art but keeping it to themselves and that would certainly not mean that they are some less of an artist but certainly we have lost here as we failed to see a real beauty. Like I wrote all those things in my personal diary and stuffed it at the bottom of my cupboard and it did no good sitting there.

But yeah, I write because I just can’t keep shut. Too bad.. is it?