Amor Vida : Love Life Day 5

In a snap!

You know that I have been writing a book since ages. It’s so cliche right? Everyone is writing atleast one book right now, some are writing in head and some who are like me are finding connecting dots in the story. The major problem I face while writing book is to connect one part to another since my book involves some time travel. So let me try and write this blog like a story. Let me try and bring together a picture for you and for myself. If I succeed then let me know.

I got up this morning with a heavy head. You know the heaviness which we know will get converted into a bad cold? That’s what I woke up to: a really bad cold. I think I sneezed atleast 1478 times today. And I am sure that it happens with everybody that when you have this jarring cold then you are a misfit for any job and the same applied to me. I was such a retard at my job today that completion of a single task gave me so much kick which I don’t get on usual days when I atleast do 5 things at one time.

Anyhow, the day ended and I reached my metro station after sneezing and coughing the whole way back in metro ride. For some reason when I got down from the metro I didn’t take rickshaw and decided to walk back home even when I felt terribly sick. There was something in the weather. I wanted to walk. As I walked, the cool winter breeze hit my face and I walked with hands in my pocket, bag on my back and emptiness in my eyes. I missed something terribly and then something happened. I turned towards a street which was empty like no one ever lived there. This was so unreal to find a silent street in Delhi at this time of evening. But I found one and although I should have been worried walking all by myself in a country which has globally marked itself as an unsafe place for women but I didn’t care at that moment. As I walked, I remembered the words of my Art Of Living teacher that life passes you by in every snap moment. One snap and you lost a moment and all these snaps together can form a simpler and easier life far away from pain, remorse , judgement and loneliness. Once we get to understand the value each moment possess, I assure you that the vision broadens. I mean the actual vision in front of our eyes broaden and the colors look more vibrant like someone has increased the contrast just a little bit more. 

It feels beautiful. Life feels beautiful.

That moment I started noticing each moment passing by and I felt things I usually don’t feel like the breeze touching the nape of my neck, the weight of my bag resting peacefully on my shoulder, a banner in front of me… It’s funny that I cross this street everyday but I never saw this banner before. 

While walking I felt like playing ‘throw stone’ game. I just formed this name for a game which we used to play as a child. The basic funda of the game is that you kick a stone, a pebble or an object lying stray on the street till a certain distance and then you walk towards that and kick again. You do this until you loose the stone or interest. Simple I reckon?

Where will I find stone on middle of the road? A walked a bit and could see something shining ahead of me. It was a box and not any box, it was an empty condom box which would have held few sachets of condoms in its glory days. 

All I could think of was that how did this box found its way to the middle of a main road? I mean think about it. The box would have had many sachets in it and usually people take a stuff out of a box and then keep the box safe at home. Then when they need the second serving then they reach for that box and take out second sachet then third etc but at last the person would throw the box in to the dustbin instead of carrying that box in his pocket and going to main road and dumping it there.

Does it make any sense at all? 

The only one option which makes some sense is that someone was carrying the box in car and they had last sachet left so they threw the box out and kept sachet in pocket. Maybe this makes little bit sense.

Anyhow where was I earlier? Snap moment. Well I hope the first part and second part of the story gives justice to d snap moment judgement. Some lose it and some gain it.



Amor Vida : Love Life Day 4

Life Is Beautiful!

The day today was quiet eventful. I got done with a lot of emotional stress management stuff today which included some shopping, some pending overbearing phone calls and sharing of some important distressing emotions with someone. I had been putting these off for so long and it feels so relaxing to having done those things.

While I was sailing peacefully through my day I decided to watch some TV. BTW I forgot to tell that I have reduced my white noise time tremendously and this feels like a power move. So to come to the point, I happened to watch ‘Life Is Beautiful’ movie today and it has moved me so much that I was literally crying like a CHILD when it ended.  Have you seen it? I mean c’mon. You have to watch the film.

I still can not wrap my head around the ending of the film. *Spoiler Alert* Being the Indian I am I was hoping for a happy ending, that he will remain alive. I mean all that for what? I get it that this was a sacrifice of a father for his son and at that time, in war zone, the only wish a father could have had was to have his son experience one more day. But he was smart so why couldn’t he snatch the gun of military person and shoots him instead of getting killed?

Such small wishes this man had. All he wanted was that he could also save his wife and then they could reunite as a family and have a morning which would seem like a dream where his wife brings him coffee and cookies for son, they eat and then he makes love to his wife. In movie he wishes to make love to his wife that morning for 2-3 times….if he can. Isn’t it beautiful? Such a simple wish for someone who is in midst of Holocaust and is doing every thing possible to  keep his son safe and away from the Military by using his amazing imagination. This reminds us that simple things are life’s The Most Important things.

We all have that vision right? I am not talking about the early morning sex vision guys but a vision which keeps us alive and motivates us to forge ahead in to the unknown. For some the vision is of having a brand new Honda Civic and for others its having that perfect wedding whereas for others it could be finally meeting that someone special they had been longing to meet for ages. Whatever it is which is keeping your soul warm is worth feeding love and affection for as long as we can.

Well, its amazing that I feel so liberated while writing. I feel specially writing blog is such an amazing experience where you get to speak your mind freely but it also can get lonely act at times when you can not receive a response on your topic from front. I can not help but wonder, what Mr Hanson must have said when I would have told him about my experience with ‘life is beautiful movie’? I know what. He would have quoted a psychological phenomenon (he has this for every occasion.. I mean it and I love it) like – “babe have you heard of Attachment theory and patterns in parent–infant relationships?” and I would have replied “um, well……… no”. Mr Hanson would say -“Okay. well according to that it says ——-”

AND its like whole new world again, a new perspective and a new vision. A vision to see these things from my own eyes someday, to experience this life which sounds so endearing and empowering by all means. So who is Mr Hanson?

U..Uhh not so soon guys. For now I can tell you this- Mr Hanson is one man who is by all means my Hero and one of the visions  (which I was talking about earlier in the blog) I have is that someday he will tell me that ‘Hun I read your blog/book/ story and it was amazing. It was like something I have never read before. I am so proud of you.’

Yes my fellow readers. This is one of the sweetest vision I have that I please Mr Hanson with my writing some day.

BTW, I could be lying here with the my words and names. Don’t trust me with Mr Hanson’s story but its also all true. Got Ya!

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 3

I have become quiet!

Today I was given a humble feedback by someone I meet almost everyday and the feedback was that I have become aloof and quiet.

If I think about it then maybe yes. My outer worlds has become a lot more quieter and my inner world is actually pretty pumped up. Its like I am saving energy for something great. To be honest, I feel quiet excited about new projects at work, my daily blog, my book, my group #happy60ing and my life in general. I feel this weird energy which kind of pushes me towards something bigger then I experienced yesterday. I am forging ahead …in my head.. with all the life force I have within me. Lets hope I rest my ship at a much needed harbor soon.

But my friend was kind of right in saying that I have become aloof and I would say that its not so much to do with being aloof but actually its just that I have become very selective of my time. I kind of preserve it for the best. Now you will ask me that what have I done with all the time I had at hand after saving it from social gathering. To this I would want to illustrate a point here- We have 168 hours in a week and out of which I work officially for 45 hours and unofficially for 60-70 hours. My daily commute to work takes 5 hours which is 25 hours in a week. So now calculate how many hours I have left in a week? 168-25-70 =73 hours. Out of this two days are weekoff hence on a daily basis I have only 25 hours to splurge.

So basically I have to choose very carefully about where I am going to spend my time. Isn’t it?

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 2

A sad day

I almost thought of not writing today as seriously I am not getting any inspiration from within. Something terrible has happened today. I don’t think that indulging in the nitty gritty of the issue is the best way to handle it so instead I want to say here that when time throws one of these tantrums at us then its best to sit at side line for a while and just become a sponge which absorbs all the lessons which are there to be learned.

I know that at any such event when something bad and unexpected happens to us then our instant behaviors is reactive and we all do this. But if maybe we try to listen to life for a bit and understand that the pain we are experiencing can be used as an energy source to do something great with our lives then maybe all bad experiences can be termed as important crash courses.

I mean it when I say this as personally also in my life I have been able to find at-least ONE positive thing from every negative event of my life. Even if I experience bad pain then also somewhere in my subconscious mind I have an audio playing with is telling me that ‘sooner or later I will be fine’. BUT, that is when something grave happens to me. What should I do when it happens to someone I love dearly?

How do you handle that?

Even then there is one thing I know- We all got tomorrow. Lets make that a better day. Lets learn from the experience today and use that to enrich our souls. Sometimes, Faith is all we have. Right?

Amor Vida : Love Life Day 1

Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain! Louis Tomlinson

Happy New Year my dear friends. 2017 is finally here and it has landed with a lot of strange and fascinating news from across the world. Some places were celebrating the new year bash where others were facing hurtful terror activities.Amidst all this I feel that the essence of new year is lost somewhere. It has become some sort of day where there ought to be a big celebration and for some a big day to embark upon terror.

Early on during my childhood days when our family income used to be humble, the New Years Eve would mean mom making some tasty aloo paratha and we all enjoying that while watching Salman Khan’s dance on a New Years Bash on TV.  Later on when I grew up and started earning my own money then this day was all about buying a nice dress and spending crazy money on Disco entering fee.  Now for the last three years its all about going to bed on time as I have to plan the whole new year on 1st of the January.. woooooo. I guess its right when they say that people become grumpy when they grow old and this does not mean that I feel old. NOT AT ALL. I am fucking Hot as ever. hell ya! But that also mean that I would choose my warm bed instead of partying with acquaintances on a cold night.

Well, my intro was vague and too long for anyone’s liking but this is what it is. So why am I writing a blog which says day 1? Will I write every day?

So to bring a perspective into picture I would like to mention here that as a usual practice of every  new year I had this inclination to make those nice sounding resolutions which I make every year and never get around to doing them. Like finally becoming bikini ready or writing my book. So this year a big NO to any resolution. Instead I decided to LIVE this year. Live in a way I dream of living. Live like I tell people to live (I forgot to mention that my side lucrative hustle job is of  a preacher) and Live like I love life. So why not write all that down for my friends to read and on those silent snobbish days give them a hope and at the same time give me a hope on my silent snobbish arrogant day. After all, tomorrow is a new day once again.

Last year also I tried such an activity but I failed. Sorry, wrong choice of words. I bombed at my previous attempt of daily blogging. It was not about living life that I love but of writing a daily blog on some sort of self improvement shit. Hence, this is something I intend to complete this time. You can call it a resolution if you want to but for me this year is all about going all in and finishing all the projects I started last year which I never came around to doing. I want to move ahead into next year i.e 2018 with Zero-pending tasks and a sky rocket high Moral. Dont get me wrong, my morals are pretty high now also but I really want to explore this side of me. What would writing every day would give me? I do not know but I want to know. So instead of thinking of doing this, I am doing this. I feel sorry for you all who have to go through this. But this is how life is. Sometimes we suck it up and move forward. So have patience. I am not going to give you list of 10 reasons why you should stick around my blog but I will tell you this- lets live together. You might get a reason to smile or smirk at me or with me. Who knows where the journey would lead us but I hope there is a wide open space after the end of tunnel and a deep blue water ocean.

disclaimer: I am a public person and I love people but one thing I would completely abstain from – my personal life. So I will not write about my job, my boss, my colleagues, my boyfriend, my husband, my cat, my brother and my innerwear. So there might be some ambiguity around these topics. I hope youáll are fine with that.

Loser dairies

I asked her to pick herself up

​I am all dressed today with blow-dried hair, red lipstick, kohl, tights with nice black and white sweater. standing in my fancy  boots. I am looking pretty awesome, I know and I also know that behind kohl eyes are deep emotions of despair. You can’t see me today and why do I care looking good when I actually feel empty inside. 

Waiting at my usual metro station I kept staring at the tracks in front of me and it hits me. I can’t do this anymore. Per chi? For whom? I don’t realize the space around me and I start to sob like I just got off from phone with a news of someone dearly being passed away. I drop down to my knees with eyes n nose full of teary water and an open mouth with painful sob sounds. No one comes to save me from this embarrassment and I cry more. I cover my face with my palms and pray to God to take my life as I have done enough damage in one life to my own self. Let me start again.please. Give me one more chance.

Loud metro siren comes buzzing and breaks my chain of thoughts.  Here I was standing tall with sad eyes which were dreaming of sobbing just a nano second ago. I take a deep breath and ask my broken spirit to get her ass off from floor and pretend for one more day. Let’s bring a show together my friend…just once more.

She doesn’t listen but I have to get on the metro so I walk towards the metro and like the loser she is, she runs and comes to metro behind me.