I have become quiet!
Today I was given a humble feedback by someone I meet almost everyday and the feedback was that I have become aloof and quiet.
If I think about it then maybe yes. My outer worlds has become a lot more quieter and my inner world is actually pretty pumped up. Its like I am saving energy for something great. To be honest, I feel quiet excited about new projects at work, my daily blog, my book, my group #happy60ing and my life in general. I feel this weird energy which kind of pushes me towards something bigger then I experienced yesterday. I am forging ahead …in my head.. with all the life force I have within me. Lets hope I rest my ship at a much needed harbor soon.
But my friend was kind of right in saying that I have become aloof and I would say that its not so much to do with being aloof but actually its just that I have become very selective of my time. I kind of preserve it for the best. Now you will ask me that what have I done with all the time I had at hand after saving it from social gathering. To this I would want to illustrate a point here- We have 168 hours in a week and out of which I work officially for 45 hours and unofficially for 60-70 hours. My daily commute to work takes 5 hours which is 25 hours in a week. So now calculate how many hours I have left in a week? 168-25-70 =73 hours. Out of this two days are weekoff hence on a daily basis I have only 25 hours to splurge.
So basically I have to choose very carefully about where I am going to spend my time. Isn’t it?
A sad day
I almost thought of not writing today as seriously I am not getting any inspiration from within. Something terrible has happened today. I don’t think that indulging in the nitty gritty of the issue is the best way to handle it so instead I want to say here that when time throws one of these tantrums at us then its best to sit at side line for a while and just become a sponge which absorbs all the lessons which are there to be learned.
I know that at any such event when something bad and unexpected happens to us then our instant behaviors is reactive and we all do this. But if maybe we try to listen to life for a bit and understand that the pain we are experiencing can be used as an energy source to do something great with our lives then maybe all bad experiences can be termed as important crash courses.
I mean it when I say this as personally also in my life I have been able to find at-least ONE positive thing from every negative event of my life. Even if I experience bad pain then also somewhere in my subconscious mind I have an audio playing with is telling me that ‘sooner or later I will be fine’. BUT, that is when something grave happens to me. What should I do when it happens to someone I love dearly?
How do you handle that?
Even then there is one thing I know- We all got tomorrow. Lets make that a better day. Lets learn from the experience today and use that to enrich our souls. Sometimes, Faith is all we have. Right?
Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain! Louis Tomlinson
Happy New Year my dear friends. 2017 is finally here and it has landed with a lot of strange and fascinating news from across the world. Some places were celebrating the new year bash where others were facing hurtful terror activities.Amidst all this I feel that the essence of new year is lost somewhere. It has become some sort of day where there ought to be a big celebration and for some a big day to embark upon terror.
Early on during my childhood days when our family income used to be humble, the New Years Eve would mean mom making some tasty aloo paratha and we all enjoying that while watching Salman Khan’s dance on a New Years Bash on TV. Later on when I grew up and started earning my own money then this day was all about buying a nice dress and spending crazy money on Disco entering fee. Now for the last three years its all about going to bed on time as I have to plan the whole new year on 1st of the January.. woooooo. I guess its right when they say that people become grumpy when they grow old and this does not mean that I feel old. NOT AT ALL. I am fucking Hot as ever. hell ya! But that also mean that I would choose my warm bed instead of partying with acquaintances on a cold night.
Well, my intro was vague and too long for anyone’s liking but this is what it is. So why am I writing a blog which says day 1? Will I write every day?
So to bring a perspective into picture I would like to mention here that as a usual practice of every new year I had this inclination to make those nice sounding resolutions which I make every year and never get around to doing them. Like finally becoming bikini ready or writing my book. So this year a big NO to any resolution. Instead I decided to LIVE this year. Live in a way I dream of living. Live like I tell people to live (I forgot to mention that my side lucrative hustle job is of a preacher) and Live like I love life. So why not write all that down for my friends to read and on those silent snobbish days give them a hope and at the same time give me a hope on my silent snobbish arrogant day. After all, tomorrow is a new day once again.
Last year also I tried such an activity but I failed. Sorry, wrong choice of words. I bombed at my previous attempt of daily blogging. It was not about living life that I love but of writing a daily blog on some sort of self improvement shit. Hence, this is something I intend to complete this time. You can call it a resolution if you want to but for me this year is all about going all in and finishing all the projects I started last year which I never came around to doing. I want to move ahead into next year i.e 2018 with Zero-pending tasks and a sky rocket high Moral. Dont get me wrong, my morals are pretty high now also but I really want to explore this side of me. What would writing every day would give me? I do not know but I want to know. So instead of thinking of doing this, I am doing this. I feel sorry for you all who have to go through this. But this is how life is. Sometimes we suck it up and move forward. So have patience. I am not going to give you list of 10 reasons why you should stick around my blog but I will tell you this- lets live together. You might get a reason to smile or smirk at me or with me. Who knows where the journey would lead us but I hope there is a wide open space after the end of tunnel and a deep blue water ocean.
disclaimer: I am a public person and I love people but one thing I would completely abstain from – my personal life. So I will not write about my job, my boss, my colleagues, my boyfriend, my husband, my cat, my brother and my innerwear. So there might be some ambiguity around these topics. I hope youáll are fine with that.
I asked her to pick herself up
I am all dressed today with blow-dried hair, red lipstick, kohl, tights with nice black and white sweater. standing in my fancy boots. I am looking pretty awesome, I know and I also know that behind kohl eyes are deep emotions of despair. You can’t see me today and why do I care looking good when I actually feel empty inside.
Waiting at my usual metro station I kept staring at the tracks in front of me and it hits me. I can’t do this anymore. Per chi? For whom? I don’t realize the space around me and I start to sob like I just got off from phone with a news of someone dearly being passed away. I drop down to my knees with eyes n nose full of teary water and an open mouth with painful sob sounds. No one comes to save me from this embarrassment and I cry more. I cover my face with my palms and pray to God to take my life as I have done enough damage in one life to my own self. Let me start again.please. Give me one more chance.
Loud metro siren comes buzzing and breaks my chain of thoughts. Here I was standing tall with sad eyes which were dreaming of sobbing just a nano second ago. I take a deep breath and ask my broken spirit to get her ass off from floor and pretend for one more day. Let’s bring a show together my friend…just once more.
She doesn’t listen but I have to get on the metro so I walk towards the metro and like the loser she is, she runs and comes to metro behind me.
Do you fail?
Please tell me that this happens with everybody that you starr a plan and only after a few hiccups you give up.
It happens with me all the time.
I am not perfect
Yes people I am trying and trying to be perfect but I am not one yet.
One good habit I started today:gave up drinking tea in office….yes I was a bud of jokes among colleagues and I think I just had to get that dedication to leave this habit.
Today I had two huge cups of green tea and that’s what I will have everyday now.
At times it’s just plainly difficult to follow through your plans and today was definitely one of those days. Slept late..got up late… could not workout… Boss’s birthday so had to go out and party…etc etc
One positive attitude: climbed 6 flight of stairs twice in the morning…so I can sleep with some peace tonight.